Beautiful Blue
by Stargazer22123
Summary: Secrets, Derek has secrets...like a wife, and Meredith has secrets...like her mom is sick. What other secrets are being hidden. A hint to some of the thoughts Meredith and Derek are feeling is all in the title of the chapter which has a second meaning.
1. See You Again

**A/N: I do not own Grey's anatomy, it's characters or any of it's dialogue. Everything typed in italics is from the show, everything else is from my head. **

**So this is a completely different fic for me, not all chapters will be like this but I needed it to start out this way for it to get to the point where the story really starts to get full of angst. It will have more dialogue in the next chapter but this really was needed to get to that point. **

"Thanks again Janet, so you'll be out here in a month baring any problems." Meredith bit her bottom lip as she waited for the response. "I will, I need to get Mom settled, then I will hopefully have time to find a place to live, unpack and sort." Meredith looked down at the list she held in her hand going over it mentally checking things off the list as complete as she listened to Janet on the other end of the line. "Yeah I know I have my Mom's place, I just can't do it. It hurts too much to live there. Look I need to run, I have some last minute packing to do here before you pick me up for the airport." Meredith sighed as she hung up the phone and got back to completing her list of chores to be done before she ran out of time.

**Two weeks later**

_Meredith woke up sprawled face down on the couch, quite obviously lacking clothing. Finally noticing her surroundings she looked down and noticed the guy on the floor, grabbing the blanket off of him and dropping a cushion on his gloriously naked butt she winced as he stirred before she could make headway up the stairs. _

"_This is….uh…" Meredith stopped the man from speaking before he could say anymore. _

"…_humiliating on so many levels. You have to go." Meredith stands beside him grabbing the bra that he dangled from his fingers. _

_The man looked up at her with desire and interest to continue what started the night before. "Why, why don't you just come back down here and we'll pick up where we left off."_

_Meredith looked down at him as she moved towards the stairs quite obviously embarrassed by the situation. "No seriously you have to go. I'm late which isn't what you want to be on your first day of work, so…"_

"_So, ah, you actually live here?" he said as he stood up and started to dress. _

_Meredith, "No." _

_Looking up in confusion he said "oh" before returning to pull up his pants._

_Meredith retracting what she said before, "Yes, Kind of."_

_He looked at her again in confusion but then spoke with a twinge of hilarity in his voice. "Oh. It's nice. A little dusty. Odd. But it's nice. Huh. So how do you kinda live here?" _

_Meredith bit on her bottom lip. "I moved 2 weeks ago from Boston. It was my mother's house. I'm selling it." _

_He looked at her with a sad expression on his face. "Oh I'm sorry."_

_Meredith looked at him with questioning eyes. "For what?"_

"_You said was." He pointed out._

_In a nervous manner with her free hand waving around, "Oh my mother's not dead. She's … you know what? We don't have to do the thing."_

"_Oh. We can do anything you want." He smirked at Meredith hoping they could go back to what they had started the night before._

_Meredith looked at him like he was an idiot not getting the hint that she really didn't want to know anything about him nor did she want him to know about her. "No the thing. Exchange the details, pretend we care. Look I'm going to go upstairs and take a shower. Okay and when I get back down here, you won't be here. So … um … goodbye … uh …"_

"_Derek." Derek said this as he jumped over the back of the couch holding out his hand to Meredith for her to shake._

_Meredith giggled as she tightened her grip on the blanket that covered herself up. "Derek. Right, Meredith."_

_Derek, smiling at her, "Meredith."_

_Meredith returning the smile "Yeah. Mmm hmm." _

_Derek laughed lightly as she politely kicked him out of her weird collection of mess that consisted of her home. Glancing from the fishing pole in the corner to the toilet scrub brush leaning against the picture on the fireplace. Laughing to himself at all the post it notes stuck on the different items. "Nice meeting you."_

_Meredith turned and ran up the stairs calling over her shoulder. "Bye Derek." _

When Meredith was informed that the new attending would be taking over the case she was working on she was stunned to find out that her one night stand would be in her life for an indefinite time period. "Oh god" she groaned as she ran from the room Derek hot on her heels.

Derek grabbed Meredith by the arm dragging her into an empty stairwell. "Dr. Shepherd." Meredith stated with a firm voice as she looked around the stairwell, checking both the floors below and above them.

"Dr. Shepherd, this morning it was Derek, now its Dr. Shepherd." Derek looked at her in a way that was way too familiar.

In a voice full of shock "Dr. Shepherd we should pretend it never happened." Meredith replied.

_Smirking Derek responded, "What never happened? You sleeping with me last night? Or you throwing me out this morning." Smiling widely. "Because both are fond memories I'd like to hold onto." _

_Frustration and anger tainting her voice, "No. There will be no memories. I'm not the girl in the bar anymore and you're not the guy." Glaring again at Derek's smiling face. "This can't exist. You get that, right?"_

_Nodding his head before speaking. "You took advantage of me and now you want to forget about it."_

_Gasping at Derek's statement, "I did not take …" Interrupting Meredith, Derek states "I was drunk, vulnerable and good looking and you took advantage."_

_Smiling at his disillusion, "okay I was the one who was drunk and you are not that good looking." _

"_Maybe not today. Last night? Last night I was very good looking. I had my red shirt on. My good-looking shirt. You took advantage." Derek smiled at her as he looked at her flustered features._

_Meredith totally aghast, "I did not take advantage." _

"_Want to take advantage again? Say Friday night?" Smiling as he asked her out on a date._

_Shocked Meredith looked at him like he'd lost some brain cells. "No. You're an attending and I'm your intern." Derek gave her a smile as he leaned in to kiss her. "Stop looking at me like that!" _

_Derek paused in his lean, "like what?"_

_Exasperation lacing her tone of voice Meredith replied "like you've seen me naked." Seeing that he's now smirking at her statement. "Dr. Shepherd! This is inappropriate." Derek looks at her with confusion but she continues to speak. "Has that ever occurred to you?"_

_Derek sighed as Meredith left him staring at her back as she bolted from the stairwell. _

Meredith ran down the hall still not believing her misfortune of having a one-night stand with her boss. Yes she's had a few over the years but never one to come out as awkward as this one. She is mortified but at the same time needs to talk to Janet. Pulling out her cell phone she dialed the numbers she had long ago memorized listening as the phone rang and waited for it to be picked up. Finally leaving a brief message for Janet to call her back when she could talk to all three of them she hung up and returned to Katie Bryce's room just as Derek, err um, Dr. Shepherd, she needed to remember that, anyway just as he was finishing up explaining what was going on with Katie to her parents. As he left the room he passed the chart to Meredith telling her she needed to keep an eye on Katie.

Meredith's shift continued to leave her running around, running off to Katie's room as she received two 911 pages, the first one being a false alarm while the second one left Meredith questioning her decision to become a doctor and running for the nearest exit as the food in her stomach leapt towards her throat wasting no time to find the quickest route out of her. Her shift ended in a high though with Meredith having scrubbed in on the surgery to fix the bleeding in Katie Bryce's brain. Just after Derek walked off to let the Bryce's know that the surgery was a success Meredith's phone rang in her pocket. Pulling it out she smiled as she saw the caller ID.

"Hi Janet, how's it going?… Oh no, is she all right? How'd she break her leg?… Oh wow give her a hug from me. No I totally agree you need to stay there for the next month, do you what you need, call Jeffery if you need to… okay look I need to run but next time we talk I'll talk to them, yeah don't wake anyone up if they're sleeping. Okay Give them all a hug for me… Bye." Meredith hung up the phone and rubbed a hand over the back of her neck before she stood up from the chair she'd been slouched in and headed towards the locker room. Knowing that she needed to put in a quick visit with her mom who was having issues settling into the nursing home Meredith quickly changed into her street clothes before stuffing her scrubs into her bag and grabbing out her stuff to go home.


	2. Feel It All

Meredith tiredly pulled out her clothes from her locker to change from her scrubs. Pulling off the scrubs she dressed as quickly as her exhausted body would allow her. As she clipped her phone and pager back on her waist, her pager beeps so she checks it, just as she finished checking it the locker room door swung open and Alex bursts through the door.

_He walks to his locker, "God! I smell good! You know what it is?" He turns to face Meredith, "It's the smell of open heart surgery." Meredith shoots him a look of annoyance and he takes in a deep breath. "It's awesome. It is awesome. You gotta smell me." As he says this he walks up behind Meredith and wrapped his arms around her. _

_In an annoyed voice Meredith tells Alex, "I don't want to smell you. _

_Alex continues to nuzzle her hair, "Oh yes you do._

_Meredith turns around and grabbed Alex by his shirt and slammed him against the lockers. "You have got to be kidding me! Okay. I have more important things to deal with than you. I have roommates, and boy problems, and family problems." Alex yawns acts bored by her angry actions. "You want to act like a little frat boy bitch? That's fine. You want to take credit for your saves, and everybody else's? That's fine too. Just stay out of my face." As Meredith continues to rant at Alex, the door opens to reveal Derek who watches as Meredith grabs Alex's chin to make him look at her directly. "And for the record, you smell like crap!"_

_She turns to go back to her locker and both she and Alex for the first time notice Derek standing there watching what is going on. She continues walking back to her locker as Derek walks in a little and motion to Alex in a 'what's going on' way that has Alex replying "She attacked me." Meredith rushed back towards Alex ready to attack Alex this time. _

"_Meredith, Meredith, Meredith!" Derek grabbed her arms before she reaches Alex and she lets him push her back. He turned back to Alex, You Know you might want to leave. Before I change my mind and let her beat you to a pulp with her tiny ineffectual fists. He then lets go of Meredith who walked back to her locker, while Derek guided Alex out the door holding his arm. Alex makes a 'boo-hoo' face while fake rubbing his eyes at Meredith behind Derek's back as Derek closes the door. Derek then turns to look at Meredith and sighed. Meredith stared at him as she still continued to breathe heavily. "What?"_

"_Nothing," Meredith grabbed her jacket out of her locker. "It's just…" She looks at him for a moment and he nodded slightly for her to continue speaking, "nothing." Meredith slammed her locker door shut and moved to leave. Derek opened the door for her. She stopped in front of him as if to speak again, her breathing still slightly heavy. She changes her mind deciding not to speak and leaves. Derek looked up at her and sighed. _

Meredith made her way out to her car, once she climbed into the driver's seat she sat there for a few minutes before she pulled out her cell phone and dialed the familiar number. It rung 3 times before it was answered, "Janet, hi, how's it going… How's your mom… Oh good it wasn't as bad a break as they first thought… Good, I'm glad to hear that. Is anyone up to talk to… Yeah I need to talk to Matt is he awake… Oh then don't worry about it I'll try calling in the morning… I miss you guys… It's okay, long hours and dealing with my mom, and this attending who keeps flirting with me. I don't want to be interested but the idiot is so insistent… Yeah anyway I need to go, I have to visit my mom before I head home and I'm exhausted… Okay I'll talk to you later. Bye."

Meredith put her phone away and started her car and pulled out of the parking spot. Listening to the music from the radio to calm herself down as she drove to the nursing home she was semi relaxed by the time she made it to the parking lot. Grabbing her bag she dashed through parking lot reaching the entrance to the nursing home. Shaking the rain off her coat she opened the door and cringed as she heard what was very obviously her mother yelling at the staff. "Let me go, I have a surgery to get to" Meredith debated on going on into the room and facing what was taking place or slipping back out the door. Deciding she needed to face the music Meredith stepped forward to the sitting room where she could hear the ruckus was taking place.

"Hi mom." Meredith quietly said.

Ellis' face scrunched up in fury as she noticed Meredith, "Meredith I thought I told you not to come to my office, this is not a place for little girls to play. Go home now and we'll discuss your punishment when I get there."

Meredith turned and fled the room, the exhaustion of the day and her mother's words hitting to the core, her emotions overruled her actions so that the minute she plunked herself back in the driver's seat of her car she burst into tears. Crying a minute she finally calmed down enough to start the car, it roared to life and she gunned the engine as she tore out of the parking lot and rushed home.

Meredith pulled into her driveway and noticed her house was lit up like a beacon, grabbing her bag she climbed from the vehicle and dragged herself up the stairs to the house. Once inside she saw George and Izzie sitting in the living room going through the boxes that had been piled in the room.

_Meredith walked into the living room and noticed that the box they are rifling through is one full of her Mother's surgical tapes. "Are those my mother's surgical tapes?" _

_George nodded his head before commenting, "We should watch the skin grafting one first." _

_Meredith glanced around the room looking at the accessories that had been unpacked and displayed and angrily exclaimed. "Where did this stuff come from?"_

_Izzie looked up and smiled brightly, "Oh I unpacked some of your mother's things, I was upset and when I'm upset I like to nest." Meredith stared at them and then started grabbing pictures that had been placed around the room._

_Izzie and George started exclaiming over the surgical tapes again and George grabbed a tape that Izzie had gushed over, "I think we should watch this one first." _

_Meredith is beyond angry now, "No. No. We're not watching my mother's surgery tapes! We're not unpacking boxes! We're not having long conversations where we celebrate the moments of our lives." Meredith grabs a beer that was sitting on the bare table, "And use a coaster!" Meredith stormed out of the living room and headed for the stairs._

_Sheepishly George called out "I ordered Chinese food." _

_George and Izzie hear Meredith yell back from the stairs, "I hate Chinese food." This has the two of them fighting to not laugh. _

Moments later Meredith slammed her bedroom door shut and dropped the things she had picked up from the living room onto her dresser. She quickly slipped off her damp clothes and grabbed an old Dartmouth t-shirt and pajama pants before crawling into bed. Meredith grabbed a picture that she had stuffed in her bag, staring at the people in the picture she started to cry, slowly she drew her fingers across the faces of the people in the picture before she drifted off to sleep clutching the picture tightly to her breast.


	3. Lady In Red

Meredith didn't think her day could get any worse than the week she had already been having but two patients really brought things close to home for Meredith and she cycloned through the emotions both patient's presence brought her. First Liz, her mother's scrub nurse brought back old memories of never seeing her mother, of her Liz seeing her more than she did growing up, and secondly Jorge and his wife Sonja and their decision to go through with the surgery that very well could be life altering. Needing some time to work through her spiraling emotions Meredith found herself keeping vigil by Liz Fallon's bedside.

_Liz groggily spoke to the slumped form of Meredith Grey, "Hey."_

_Meredith sat up a little straighter and looked at the woman in the hospital bed. "I told my mother about you. She remembers you very well."_

_Liz looked at Meredith for a moment before she responded, "Of course she would. Ellis Grey never forgot a thing."_

_Meredith chuckled at Liz's response instead of the crying she wanted to do. "Mmm. Oh…. I'm sorry. It's not really funny. It's not funny, but…"_

_Liz interrupted her, "What's her diagnosis?"_

"_Alzheimer's, early onset." Meredith responded in a serious tone._

_Liz looked pointedly at Meredith, "And she doesn't want anyone to know."_

_Meredith looked down before looking back at Liz, "No. She's in a nursing home and I'm the only person she'll allow to see her."_

_Liz looked at Meredith with pain-filled eyes, "But if I know Ellis Grey, she made the nursing home sign a contract to that effect."_

_Meredith smiled, then said, "You know my mother well."_

"_What a bitch." Liz responded, to which both women laughed._

Meredith left Liz's room returning to work, feeling better having told someone some of the secrets she was holding. It was nice to let loose and tell someone else one of the things that was weighing on her mind. Meredith went down to the tunnels and was surprised to see it empty so quickly pulled out her phone and called Janet.

Meredith wound a finger around the loose tendrils of hair as the phone rang, finally being picked up.

"Hello."

"Hi Janet, it's just me checking in." Meredith continued to wind the hair around her finger, dropping it then picking it back up and winding it again and again. "How are things going? How is your mom doing?"

Meredith heard the din in the background quiet down as she guessed that Janet moved to another room. "Hi Meredith, things are good, a little crazy right now I swear to god I'm quitting the daycare business it's insanity."

Meredith chuckled at Janet's histrionics, knowing that Janet constantly threatened to do it but never would, "Could it be a little crazy having the kids there all day plus trying to watch your mom? You really should call on Jeffery."

Meredith could hear Janet's pout over the line, "Shut up, I'm telling the truth this time, I'm done, no more daycare business for me. Now I'm going into geriatrics."

Meredith burst out laughing at Janet's comment, "Come on now, like a fellow intern told another intern the other day, 'Geriatrics is for freaks who live with their mother's and never have sex.' Sorry doll face you're halfway there, just need your mom to move in with you officially and you're an official freak."

Janet gasped at what Meredith was implying, "I have sex, I have an active sex life thank you very much."

Meredith giggled at her friend, "Sure, sure what decade was that in?"

"You know, I called you a friend, maybe I'll take that back, and for your information it was this decade, it was even this month, bet you can't say that, miss 'I'm an intern who works 100 hour weeks." Janet laughed when Meredith gasped.

"Oh look, hey Janet I need to go, pager is going off." Meredith hopped off the gurney realizing how close Janet was to finding out about her sleeping with Derek, with the possibility of Janet meeting him she did not want that to occur.

Janet could tell that Meredith was just trying to get off the phone and didn't really have a page to attend to. "Meredith what have you done? I know I know you've got to go, but just remember I'll be out there in a couple weeks and will find out all the juicy gossip then."

Meredith twisted her watch around her wrist in nervousness, so thankful that Janet wasn't there to observe her habit. "I know, I'm really looking forward to you getting here, anyway I really do have to go. I need to talk to one of my patient's wives."

"Okay then, talk to you soon Meredith." Janet rescinded her query knowing that Meredith really was going off to do some work.

"Bye, talk later, oh and thanks a million Janet." Meredith chuckled as she hung up the phone clipping it back on her waist as she moved back to the surgical floor hoping to convince Sonja and Jorge not to go ahead with the surgery.

Meredith and Sonja stood outside of Jorge's room in the hallway.

_Meredith looked at Sonja as she pleaded with her, "You need to consider what you'll lose. What good is five years if he doesn't joke about your omelets and he can't remember seeing you in that red dress?" _

_Without missing a beat Sonja responded, "It's still five more years." _

_Looking at Sonja with pain filled eyes, "You don't understand. He'll be there, but he won't be Jorge. He won't even recognize you."_

_Sonja looked at Meredith angrily, "This is our business." _

_Meredith continued to plead with Sonja, " You have no idea what this will do to you. Isn't five good years better than ten bad ones?"_

_Derek came around the corner of the hall noticing Meredith talking with Sonja and the distress on both of their faces. "Meredith, what the hell are you doing?"_

_Meredith turned to Derek to answer him, "She needs to understand."_

_Sonja looked between the two doctors and then responded, "I do understand. You think that I'm being selfish, that I don't want to give him up."_

_Meredith shook her head in response, "I don't."_

_Sonja continued on, "This is Jorge's decision. And it that means ten bad years for me, fine. I'll give him those years because I will give him whatever he wants."_

_Derek noticing how upset Sonja is becoming pulls Sonja away from Meredith. "Look, I am so sorry, Sonja. Just please forgive her. She's an intern…"_

_Sonja persistently spoke over Derek, "And if he doesn't remember me, if he doesn't remember what we are, he's still my Jorge. And I'll remember for us both." _

_Derek soothed Sonja, as she became more emotional, "Ok, all right"_

Meredith watched as Derek led Sonja away, trying to calm the obviously upset woman down. Meredith finally turned and walked away seeking out refuge in one of her favorite spots in the hospital, the nursery.

Meredith stood in front of the window looking at all the little babies and smiled at all the beautiful bundles of joy waiting to go home. As she stood there she felt someone else's presence behind her and turned expecting to see one of her fellow interns. Instead turned to see Derek standing there.

Meredith turned back to the window before she quietly said hello. Hearing a rustling she turned to see Derek standing beside her.

"It's not our decision to sway them one way or another, we each have our own opinions but we always have to go with what the patient and family wants." Derek looked at the babies while he said this, not looking at Meredith once.

Meredith turned slightly to face Derek and leaned her hip against the wall. "I know, it's just…"

Derek turned to face Meredith before turning back to look at the babies once again. "No, it's not just anything. We give them all the options with all the long term side effects and it's their decision to make not ours."

Meredith looked down sadly before she quietly responded, "I know that, I just never realized how hard it would be watching people make life altering decisions."

Derek reached down and squeezed Meredith's hand before releasing it. "It is hard, sometimes it doesn't get any better, but you do get used to it." Derek paused for a few moments before continuing on. "I hate to do this but I'm forced to, you're becoming to emotionally attached or something so I'm going to have to take you off the case."

Meredith's head jerked up when he said this, "What, no please don't I need this surgery."

Derek looked straight at Meredith, noticing her emotions that were so obviously displayed. "I'm sorry I can't keep you on it."

"Dr. Shepherd please keep me on the case, I won't try to talk to them again. Please let me finish this case." Meredith pled with Derek.

"Meredith, I will on two conditions." Derek held up his hand with two fingers sticking out with the others bent in. "One, no talking to Sonja or Jorge, no trying to convince them otherwise." Meredith nodded her head. "Two go out to breakfast with me tomorrow morning."

Meredith looked at Derek incredulously, "God I must be desperate for this surgery. Fine I'll go out with you for breakfast."

"Thank you," Derek replied before turning away. "Come on lets get O'Malley to prep the patient and the two of you can scrub in. I'll let you know when and where we're going for breakfast after the surgery."


	4. Stop And Stare

* * *

Meredith was exhausted, no matter how much she tried to dodge Derek he continued to pursue her. He seemed to be even more relentless in his pursue since she went out for breakfast with him. The exhaustion of trying to avoid Derek, constant calls from the nursing home about her mom and cramming for the CABG surgery she would be scrubbing in on later that morning left Meredith with no energy ready to fall asleep just about anywhere. Waking up in the shower after the water had turned cold would attest to how exhausted Meredith was. Meredith climbed out of her vehicle grabbing the large coffee before she walked into the Nursing Home. Meredith was instantly pulled aside by the Caretaker at the home.

"_The lawyer has been managing the estate with a limited power of attorney, but your mother's Alzheimer's is advancing so while she's still lucid enough to consent, she needs to sign everything over to you," the Caretaker stated as Ellis stared at nothing as she constantly rubbed her wrists and hands in a nervous like fashion. _

_Meredith looked at the Caretaker having barely registered that she was talking to her, "Me?" Meredith continued speaking her voice hoarse and raspy, "Look, I haven't slept in 48 hours. I'm getting my first shot at heart surgery this morning. I'm missing rounds. Are you sure there isn't anybody here, or the attorney? I mean, do I really have to be the one to handle this?"_

_The Caretaker looked at Meredith in exasperation before responding, "We're talking about her estate, her finances, her medical care. You really want to leave her life in someone else's hands? She's your mother."_

Meredith sat quietly thinking over what needed to be done, "Okay so when can we get the lawyer here?"

"I'll call the notary and the Lawyer and give you a call when it's all set up. Hopefully we can get it done tomorrow," the Caretaker made a note in a file before standing up from her chair. "I'll let you have some time with your mom now."

Meredith watched the Caretaker walk away before she moved to sit beside her mom. Ellis seemed to be having a fairly lucid day and they talked for a few minutes about Meredith's preparation for the CABG surgery. Before Meredith knew it she had to leave, standing up she kissed her mom on the cheek before she quickly said good-bye before rushing away.

* * *

Meredith makes it to the hospital with just minutes to spare, running to the locker room she whipped of her street clothes and threw on her scrubs and ran out of the locker room as she pulled her lab coat on. Dashing down the hallway she pulled her hair up in to a loose and messy ponytail. Scrubbing in quickly Meredith sighed in relief when she realized that she made it to the OR before Burke had even entered the scrub room. As she stood there waiting for Burke to scrub in she calmed herself down going over the procedure in her head.

Burke continued to shoot questions at Meredith like a double-barreled gun, her exhaustion becoming more apparent the faster the question zinged off her brain with little response from Meredith. Finally in frustration Burke stopped questioning Meredith and started in on the other intern in the OR, Meredith couldn't remember them by name but knew that their resident was Alex's old resident, Jeremy. Meredith stood there quietly holding the heart, the quieter she stood the harder it was to defend of the exhaustion. What seemed like a heartbeat later, Meredith felt herself drifting off, squeezing the heart as she pulled herself out of her near slumber. Looking up to see a glare from Burke she refocused on the surgery that was taking place. After a close call of the patient not making it Burke was moving towards the scrub room as a fourth year resident prepared to sew the patient up. Meredith shook herself out of her fatigue and stepped back from the operating table. Once she had scrubbed out she moved out into the hallway. She was completely drained of energy, shocked at what she had discovered she walked without noticing people in the hallway.

_Meredith didn't even notice Derek, who came up beside her and George. Eating a salad as he talked to Meredith. "Hey, I hear you did a CABG with Burke."_

_Meredith distractedly responds to Derek's question, "Yeah."_

_Derek continues to ask Meredith questions as they walk down the hallway towards the elevator, "Did you hold the heart?"_

_Again Meredith sullenly responds, "Yeah."_

_Undeterred by Meredith's lack of enthusiasm Derek continues to talk, "It's an amazing feeling. You never forget your first time."_

"_It was pretty great just to watch. Vicarious thrills, you know," George jumped in._

_Leaning forward to push the button on the elevator, Meredith despondently replied with a, "Yeah." The elevator bell rang to notify them of its arrival and both George and Meredith stepped in. _

_Derek stood outside the elevator looking in at Meredith, a questioning look on his face, "See you later."_

"_Bye," Meredith replied distractedly. The elevator doors close with just George and Meredith inside. George is flipping through one of his pocket books, while Meredith stood in front of him facing the doors. "I think maybe I did something to the heart when I was holding it. I nodded off a little. Squeezed it."_

_Glancing up briefly from his book to look at Meredith, "Oh, the heart's a tough muscle. It could take a squeeze or two," George commented as he returned to his book. _

_Looking down at her finger, "My fingernail popped the glove. Cut straight through. George, what if I punctured Mrs. Patterson's heart," Meredith questioned of George. _

_George stopped reading the book and moved to stand next to Meredith, "If-- If you had punctured it, you would have know when they reperfused. They got her heart beating. The woman's okay."_

Meredith walked out of the elevator and moved down the hall oblivious to her surroundings, George stood back and watched her until she turned the corner and he could no longer see her. Meredith was exhausted, she couldn't stand up any longer, and reaching the first unlocked on call room she slipped inside and quickly slipped off her shoes and lab coat before falling onto the bed. Her concern over what she may have done in the OR dropped out of her thoughts as she quickly drifted to sleep. It was only minutes later that her pager startled her awake. Meredith jumped out of the bed slamming her feet into her shoes and grabbed her lab coat shoving her arms through the armholes as she flew through the door and down the hallway.

* * *

Meredith's whole day seemed to spiral downwards from that point, barely leaving her time to breathe let alone fill out the paperwork in the charts. Finally a quiet moment arrived for Meredith as she stood at the Nurses station with a file.

_Noticing Meredith standing at the Nurses station, a passing Derek paused in his travels, and walked towards Meredith, "Are you okay?"_

_Meredith looked up from her paperwork, "Yeah, yeah, I'm good."_

_Sounding unconvinced, "Are you sure, 'cause you seem not okay," Derek questioned._

_Meredith wrote in the file before responding, "I'm fine, CABG was long."_

_Worried about Meredith's funk, "Well, let me take you out to dinner tonight. You can tell me all about it. Real food, waiters, big chunks of carbs in a basket."_

"_I can't, Meredith replied without a beat._

_Derek sighed, "Forget about the party."_

_Meredith looked at Derek, "You know about the party?"_

_Nodding his head, "Your friends will be at the party. You and I can be alone somewhere else." _

_Peeved , Meredith asks Derek, "How do you know about the party?"_

_Pouting slightly Derek responded, "Thanks for not inviting me, by the way. That felt good. Dinner, think about dinner, perfect opportunity"_

_Meredith thought for a moment, "Well—," As Meredith's beeper went off. Derek walked away, and Meredith ran off in the opposite direction. _

_

* * *

_

Meredith stood on the bridge looking out over the parking lot as she talked on the phone. "And the notary can be there at 6:30 too? And the home's physician will be there attest to her mental competency. Okay, is there anything else I need to bring besides my license? My checkbook. 6:30, I'll be there.

_As she hangs up Derek walks up to her leaning against the railing, "I heard."_

_Meredith misinterpreting what he is talking about, "It's a notary thing. A thing to get notarized."_

_Derek looked at her with a puzzled expression on his face before explaining, "I'm talking about the heart thing. Do you want to talk about it," he asked with concern._

_Meredith walked away, a few steps away she turned and asked, "We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?"_

_

* * *

_

Meredith walked into the nursing home, and the Caretaker approached her. "Sorry I'm late, it was the traffic—."

_Shaking her head the caretaker says, "It doesn't matter, dear."_

_With anger in her voice Meredith stated, "Okay, don't tell me the notary didn't show."_

"_Oh everybody's here. It's just your mother isn't," the Caretaker explained._

_Meredith walked into the room, hoping to bring her mom back into the present, "Mom? Mom?"_

_Ellis looked up in anger, "What do you people want from me?"_

_Meredith knelt down beside the chair Ellis was sitting in, "We need you to sign the lawyers' papers."_

_Ellis angrily stated, "I have a cranial reconstruction in a half hour. I need to go." Ellis ground her teeth together in frustration. _

_Meredith persisted on trying to bring Ellis back to the present, "Okay, Mom, we're all here. We have a notary. I need you to focus and I need you to sign these papers. Mom, look at me."_

_Ignoring Meredith, Ellis continued her dialogue, "It's an emergency surgery. I don't have time for this." _

_Taking control of the situation the Caretaker finally spoke up, "She can't sign anything now. She's sun downing. We should have done this earlier in the day."_

_Meredith turned from her spot beside the chair and angrily turned to the Caretaker, "I couldn't come earlier in the day. I have a job. And a life. And I'm here now."_

_With her arms crossed showing her disapproval the Caretaker said, "We'll you're going to have to come back tomorrow when she's lucid."_

_Standing up Meredith angrily moved away from the chair before yelling at both the Caretaker and the lawyer. "You know, why did she put this off for so long? And why did you let her? Doesn't it strike you as slightly irresponsible? I mean, what the hell is wrong with you people?" Meredith stormed out of the Nursing Home._

* * *

As Meredith drove toward her home her phone rang, picking it up she recognized the caller ID. "Jeffery, Hi, god I miss you." Meredith then went on to explain what was going on with her mother, talking briefly with Jeffery she told him that he needed to get his lazy butt over to his sister's place and help Janet. Agreeing that he would go over the next time they talked for a minute more before hanging up.

Making a couple stops on her way home Meredith then called Janet to let her know she'd talked to Jeffery and that he would be coming over the next day. Quickly getting an update on how things were on either side of the country the two women said their good-byes just as Meredith turned into her neighborhood. Meredith can hear the loud music playing and sees people wandering around everywhere.

"_Izzie, I'm going to kill you," Meredith ground out. _

Meredith pushed her way through the crowds of people barely recognizing any of them. Finally she came upon George and Cristina dancing on the coffee table, after a minute of coercing she finally joined them grabbing the bottle of Tequila from George's hand. Seeing her friends having a good time it didn't take long between her exhaustion and the alcohol to wear down her defenses and soon she found herself out on the porch with a bottle of Tequila dancing drunkenly to the music in her head.

_Leaning against his car Derek watched Meredith sway to the unheard music for some time before making his presence known. "You know, in some states, you could get arrested for that." Meredith stopped dancing and moved off the porch towards Derek. "So you blew me off for a bottle of tequila. Tequila's no good for ya. It doesn't call. It doesn't write. It isn't nearly as much fun to wake up to." _

_Meredith smiles at his comment pulling him in for a kiss. This one kiss turns into a couple kisses before Meredith pulls away and says, "Take me for a ride, Derek."_

Derek grabbed Meredith's hand at her request and pulls her to his car. Derek heads for the front passenger seat, climbing in first before pulling Meredith in on top of him. The two kiss passionately and start pulling off each other's clothing.

_After they have had sex they are kissing when he pulls away, brushing his hands down both her cheeks before pulling his shirt up over her bare shoulders. "You know, it sounds like the party's winding down. Listen to me. We should probably sneak inside, though."_

_Meredith giggled before responding, "We've done enough sneaking for the night. It was good sneaking, but enough sneaking."_

_Derek smirked, "Yeah, I think we're good sneakers."_

_They start kissing, but get interrupted by tapping on the window. Pulling apart they look up to discover Dr. Bailey standing outside the driver side window. "You mind moving this tail wagon? You're blocking me in."_

_Derek brushed his hands over Meredith's 'sex hair' groaning as he said, "Apparently not good enough."_

_

* * *

_

Meredith walked towards George, Izzie and Cristina when she passed Derek. "Meredith, you okay?"

"_Yeah. One month probation," Meredith sighed in relief._

_Derek smiled, "Good. That's good." Derek heads off down the hallway. _

_Meredith walks up to Izzie, Cristina, and George, "Burke saved my ass in there."_

Meredith had to get herself to the locker room quickly to change into her street clothes and get herself to the nursing home. Meredith rushed out of the hospital and hurriedly drove to the Nursing Home. Sighing in relief when she saw that all the correct personnel were already there and that her mom was lucid and was able to quickly sign the forms signing over legal Power of Attorney to Meredith.

Once the papers were signed over Meredith sighed in relief asking the lawyer several questions about setting up financial deferment for the money for the Home to come out of her mom's accounts instead of Meredith's personal finances.


	5. Maybe Tonight

Meredith rushed to grab her things out of her car, which she had quickly parked in the Seattle Grace Hospital parking lot. Just as she grabbed her bag and slammed the door shut Derek pulled his car up and parked next to Meredith. He quickly hopped out of his car and hurried to catch up with Meredith.

_Meredith looked up noticing who had slowed down slightly to match their footsteps with her. "Crap," Meredith exclaimed._

_Derek looked at her with slight amusement, "Crap?"_

_Realizing her weird acknowledgement of his arrival retraced her greeting, "Hi. I'm late." Meredith continued to walk quickly towards the main entrance of the hospital._

_Picking up his pace once again Derek commented, "You're avoiding me."_

_Meredith nodded her head, "Yes, but also late." _

_Derek stopped briefly, "Ok, are we going to talk about this?" Realizing that Meredith wasn't going to stop with him he started walking again following Meredith up the sidewalk towards the entrance._

_Meredith shook her head, "No."_

_Derek continued to question Meredith, "About us and Bailey and what she saw?"_

_Sighing Meredith replied, "I don't need to talk about it. I experienced it, naked."_

_Smirking slightly Derek ran a hair through his wavy hair, "This is getting complicated."_

_Meredith looked at Derek, "Complicated for me. I'm the intern sleeping with the attending. Bailey isn't speaking to me anymore."_

_Derek smiled slightly, "Not that that's a bad thing. If I was a better guy, I'd walk away."_

_Meredith nodded her head, "Yes, you would."_

_Twisting his head quickly to look at Meredith, "Do you want me to be a better guy?"_

_Meredith quickly responded, "yes." Entering the hospital Derek pushed the button for the elevator. "No. Crap. I'm late." Meredith then walked away rushing towards the stairway._

_Derek called after her, "Take your time. Think about it." Smiling slightly at the conversation they just had. _

_

* * *

_

Cristina pushed through the locker room door, noticing Meredith inside rushing to change into her scrub clothes. "

_You're late," Meredith retorted. _

_Quickly glancing at Meredith as she threw her locker door open. "So are you."_

_Pulling her scrub top down over her head Meredith took a second to respond. "I know, and I can't afford to piss off Bailey any more. Do you think she told anyone," Meredith questioned Cristina._

_Cristina tugged and pulled her scrubs on. "About you and McDreamy," she asked._

_Slipping her shoes on, Meredith once again nodded, "Yeah."_

_Shaking her head, "No he's her boss too," Cristina answered._

_Meredith chewed her bottom lip slightly before asking, "If they find out, what can they...? Can they kick me out, or...?"_

_Cristina shrugged, "No... Not officially. You'll just get edged out, blacklisted, banned from his surgeries, passed over for chief resident." Sighing, "It'll be humiliating, but you'll live."_

_Pulling open the locker room door the two rushed out. Meredith muttered, "I have to end it. I definitely have to end it. I have to end it, right?"_

"_Meredith, shut up," Cristina snapped._

"_What," Meredith questioned as she and Cristina rushed up the stairs and through the hallway._

_Meredith pulled her hair back into a loose ponytail, "Did you seriously just tell me to shut up," Meredith questioned. _

_Turning slightly to face Meredith Cristina exaggerating replied, "Oh, please. You got a hot doctor who like to make you open up, and say "ahh." It's the American dream, stop whining about it."_

_Meredith looked around them quickly_ _hoping that no one overheard their conversation. "No. No good can come from sleeping with your boss." _

_Meredith and Cristina finally caught up with Bailey and their fellow interns as Bailey briefed them on a rare case that came in the night before. "Cristina, you're late," Bailey barked as she continued to lead the pack of interns. _

"_So is Meredith," Cristina responded in defense. _

* * *

After the interns were briefed on the patient with the large tumor they continued on with rounds, soon entering a hospital room where a man was trying to walk but having difficulty.

"_Morning," Bailey greeted to the people who occupied the room._

"_Mr. Levangie, this is Dr. Bailey and her fine staff of surgical interns." Derek stated as he, Meredith and Bailey exchanged glances with one another. _

_As he was getting himself situated in the bed, "Welcome to hell, kids." Mr. Levangie commented._

_Looking up at her interns, "Who's presenting," Bailey questioned._

_George held the chart in his hands looking down quickly at the notes before beginning to speak, "Edward Levangie is a 63-year-old man admitted for pain management for Dyskinesia. He's been stable since last night, and responding to the bolus injections."_

_Turning Bailey asked, "Izzie, possible treatments?"_

_Izzie jumped at the question, "For Parkinson's disease? Um, deep brain stimulation has shown..."_

_Interrupting Izzie, Derek restated his question, "Not for Parkinson's, for spinal pain."_

_Scrambling to grab her book out of her pocket, she stumbles over the question, "Oh, um..."_

_Looking around Derek's gaze finally lands on Meredith who jumps in with the answer, "Intraspinal catheter. That way, he can have constant pain medication." _

"_Excellent. This is Dr. Grey. She's gonna prep you for the procedure and assist." Derek's pager beeps, "Excuse me." _

_All the interns looked up in shock when Derek announced that Meredith would be scrubbing in on the surgery. Bailey too looked perturbed, "You make yourselves busy, I'll catch up with you." Bailey said as she followed Derek out of the room._

_All the interns except for Meredith slowly dispersed finding other jobs to keep them occupied. Meredith was helping Mr. Levangie get himself more comfortably situated. "Ok, Mr. Levangie. We're going to get you more comfortable, ok? I'm going to go downstairs and I'll be back up shortly."_

_Shaking from the Parkinson's, he responded with a gruff, "Ok."_

"_Ok," Meredith said as she walked out of the room, Mr. Levangie's daughter followed her out into the hall. _

"_Excuse me. I'm sorry, doctor…" Ms. Levangie stumbled trying to remember if she heard Meredith's name. _

_Meredith noticing that the woman didn't know he name, supplied it for her, "Grey."_

_Nodding her head, Ms. Levangie continued, "My dad seems to like you. He's always liked skinny blondes. Is that rude? I'm sorry. I'm so tired."_

_Meredith looked her with sympathy, "Is there something…," Meredith began._

"_I was wondering if you could talk to him." Ms. Levangie asked._

_Meredith questioned her, "About?"_

_Sighing, Ms. Levangie said, "Brain surgery. The doctor mentioned it, and I've read about it online. If it worked, it could help with most of his symptoms, not just his pain. _

_Meredith look quickly down at his chart before asking, "Is he a candidate? I don't..."_

_Nodding her head, Ms. Levangie answered Meredith, "He is, but he's afraid of it. Surgery on his back, he can understand, but his brain...And there are risks. But his quality of life..."_

_Sighing, as she understood what was being said, "There isn't any." _

_Nodding, Ms Levangie continued, "And, it keeps getting worse. I'm getting married next month. I already lost my mom. And I want him to walk...I want him with me. Maybe that's selfish, but...you don't know what it's like having a parent...Watching him..."_

_Meredith once again nodded her head, "I do. I do know what it's like. I'll see what I can do."_

_Smiling Ms. Levangie turned to go back in the room, "Thanks." _

"_You're welcome," Meredith responded._

_Ms. Levangie sighed in gratitude, "thank you," she said again before going back to her father's room. _

_Meredith turned and walked down the hallway going towards the room where Dr. Burke, Dr. Bailey and Derek were in discussing the films of the patient from earlier, if the woman consented to having the tumor removed all hands would be on deck dealing with the large tumor. Eventually the door opened and Burke left, moments later Derek and Bailey left together. Dr. Shepherd. Mr. Levangie, the Parkinson's patient, is he a good candidate for DBS?"_

_Derek: Yes, but he's not interested. _

_Meredith: Ok, but I think it's worth talking to him again, pushing him. _

_Derek gruffly responded, trying to act indifferent, "We're talking about a brain surgery that is performed while the patient is wide awake, a risk of paralysis, a risk of death. And, the patient doesn't want it. It is not my job to push him into anything and it's definitely not yours."_

_Meredith looked at Derek, confused at his behavior, "Ok."_

_Still acting cold and indifferent Derek stated, "Since you clearly uncomfortable with my decision in this case, it's probably best you don't scrub in."_

_Shocked that he so quickly changed his mind on having her scrub in on the surgery, "But…," Meredith exclaimed. _

_Cutting off Meredith's protests Derek, interrupted her, "It's a minor procedure. You won't be missed." Confused Meredith walks away. Derek turns to Bailey and sees her raised eyebrows, "You know, they call you the Nazi." _

_Starting to walk away Bailey turned back to Derek, "So I've heard." Bailey and Derek walked in opposite directions of each other. _

* * *

Taking a quiet moment Meredith called Janet in Boston checking up on her friend. "Hey Janet it's me again."

"Oh thank god you sent Jeffery, I think I'm in love." Janet gushed.

Giggling Meredith replied, "Jeez, and I thought all these years you hated him."

Laughing Janet answered, "Oh I still hate him, but god the kids and my mom love him. He's like this dashing gentleman like person like from the old movies my mom loves to watch. I swear if my mom was 30 years younger he'd be my new step-dad or something."

Janet and Meredith burst out in laughter, "I'm sure he's quite entertaining." Meredith said.

"Oh yes he is, my mom has completely fallen in love with him, he rushes around here answering her every beck and call, playing with the kids. Right now he's wearing a tiara Chelsea put on his head and wearing this frilly pink apron that I haven't figured out where it came from. Everyone loves him. I swear he needs to quit this doctoring thing and come work with me at the daycare." Janet continued to gush over Jeffery making Meredith laugh.

Meredith suddenly thought of something, "Can you get me a picture of Jeffery in the tiara and apron. Get it with him and the kids I'd love a copy of it to blackmail him with at some point."

Janet laughed and promised she would before they said their good-byes and hung up the phone. Once Meredith was off the phone she continued to enjoy her quiet time and ran to grab some lunch. Sitting with Cristina their conversation turned to what Cristina observed in Mr. Levangie's room.

"_It's just that he blatantly favors me in front of her and then blatantly dismisses me," Meredith said as she stabbed at her salad._

_Looking up Cristina asked, "How do you know he was favoring you? Look, you've got a brain. You got into this program. Just because Shepherd wants to munch your cookies doesn't mean you didn't deserve what you worked for." _

_Staring at Cristina in disbelief Meredith said, "But he's making me look bad. I have to end it."_

_Doubtfully Cristina replied, "Right."_

"_it's over," Meredith stated._

"_Uh, huh," Cristina mumbled sarcastically as Izzie and Alex moved towards their table each carrying trays._

"_Is it true you get to scrub in on that tumor," Alex asked Cristina. _

"_Don't sit here," Cristina disgustedly said to Alex. _

_Excitedly Izzie asked, "You get to scrub in? How psyched are you?" _

_Smiling Cristina replied, "On a scale of one to ecstatic, ecstatic."_

_Shaking his head Alex groaned, "It's unbelievable. You know what I think? I think Burke wants to get into your scrubs." _

_Snarling at Alex Cristina growled, "Why are you sitting here?" _

_Alex and Cristina continued to bicker back and forth as Meredith and Izzie quietly watched on, within minutes George slammed down his tray sitting down beside Meredith. "Thank God, man. I'm drowning in estrogen here," Alex exclaimed._

_Ignoring Alex, George talks to Meredith, "You look...is everything ok?"_

_Meredith looked down as she replied, "Shepherd's a jackass."_

_Eating while she answers Izzie excitedly proclaims "Really? I think he's kind of great."_

_To Meredith's defense Cristina responded, "He reamed her out in front of Bailey."_

"_Why," Izzie asked incredulously. _

_Meredith reiterated her proclamation, "Cause he's a jackass."_

_Throwing his tray onto the table behind him George as he spoke, "Oh. Well, bad days are...bad. Maybe tonight, uh, if, you know, if you drink alcohol, I mean, we could all of us, I mean, go out and drink alcohol...because of the bad day."_

_

* * *

_

Just as Meredith is about to respond her pager goes off, I got to go." Meredith hops up and runs into the hospital.

Meredith raced through the hallway rushing towards Mr. Levangie's room. Meredith had learned quickly that when your pager went off you moved as fast as you could to get to where you were being paged. Once there she watched in awe as Derek asked Mr. Levangie some questions, performing small tests on him. Meredith was surprised when Derek once again brought up the possibility of the DBS surgery.

_Again Mr. Levangie adamantly refused, "What? Why would I? I already told you no. I'm letting you cut into my back, but that's not enough for you. All you guys ever want to do is cut."_

"_Dad, just listen to what he has to say," his daughter tried to reason._

_Angrily Mr. Levangie burst out, "I already listened." _

_Derek calmly tried to explain why he was bringing up the topic of the DBS surgery once again. "Sir, there's a very small window of opportunity here. You know, once the Parkinson's progresses to a point of dementia, there's, you know, you're no longer a candidate for DBS."_

_Frustrated with the continuation of the topic, "And when I'm no longer a candidate, is that when you people will leave me the hell alone! What? Do I have to start drooling, and forget my name to get a little peace and quiet?"_

_Sighing at his failure to persuade Mr. Levangie Derek prepared to leave the room, "All right. I'll check back with you later. Try to get some rest." Derek walked away while Meredith continued to linger in the hallway. _

_Overhearing the daughter's frustrated cries before she stormed out of the room Meredith paused between going to comfort the daughter or going in and talking with Mr. Levangie. After overhearing him try to calm his upset daughter by saying that she had nothing to worry about that he would be at her wedding even if he couldn't walk her down the aisle Meredith turned into the room. _

_Noticing Meredith, Mr. Levangie questioned, "If she knows, then what the hell are we still talking for, huh? Why in hell can't she drop it?"_

_Meredith checked over Mr. Levangie's stats as she answered, "It is your life. But it's her life too. And you have a chance to get better here. And all she's asking you to do is try." Meredith quietly walked away from the room after she delivered that thought provoking line._

_

* * *

_

Meredith rushed to the scrub room hoping to get there before the intense tumor removal surgery took place. Stepping in she saw that the scrub room was fairly empty only Burke, Bailey and Derek was left scrubbing in. "Dr. Shepherd."

_Derek looked up from tying his surgical mask over the lower half of his face, "Yes."_

"_Mr. Levangie has agreed to DBS. If we do it today. If he leaves, he won't come back," Meredith quickly stated what she had come in to inform Derek about._

_Burke looked up from the sink he was scrubbing in at, "Don't worry, Dr. Shepherd. It'll take hours before we get around to the spine. I'll page you."_

_Derek pulled off his mask as he left the scrub room, "All right, then. Let's do it."_

Meredith hurriedly rushed to prep Mr. Levangie for surgery before she scrubbed in herself. Although Mr. Levangie agreed to the surgery it was quite obvious to all in the room that he was nervous. Stepping away from the head of the operating table, she stood in front of Mr. Levangie calming him down with her talking. When Derek began to the surgery she grabbed Mr. Levangie's hands and squeezed them.

"_Ok, Mr. Levangie. Just take a couple deep breaths. Focus on the pretty girl. Ok, this is going to sound really scary, but try and relax. You shouldn't feel a thing." Derek begins to drill to drill into his head. _

After many unsuccessful tries at trying to mimic motions one of the nurses is having Mr. Levangie do, he finally is able to pat and turn his hands over, connecting them without shaking.

_

* * *

_

Derek and Meredith pushed Mr. Levangie back to his room, "Bailey was on the warpath. I was trying to protect you," Derek said.

_Sighing Meredith replied, "You trying to protect me is why she's on the warpath. You can't do me favors. You can't ask me to scrub in when I haven't earned it," she continued._

_Nodding his head in response, "Ok, ok. Derek said._

_Meredith then went on to say, "And you can't treat me like crap when I haven't earned that either. _

"_Ok," Derek replied. _

"_I can take care of myself. I got myself into this mess, and I…," Meredith stopped. _

_Raising his eyebrows, "And you'll get yourself out? _

_Shrugging her shoulders, "I don't…know that yet," Meredith said. Just as they arrive at the elevator Derek's pager went off. "Don't let me keep you."_

_Derek looked up from his pager, "You did great work here today."_

_Just as Derek was about to walk away Meredith called out, "Dr. Shepherd."_

_Turning back to Meredith, "Yeah."_

_Meredith sheepishly apologized, "Sorry I called you a jackass."_

_Shaking his head, "You didn't," Derek said._

_Nodding her head as she replied, "I did. Twice."_

_Derek then walked away from Meredith as the elevator came along, "Tell you what, blondie. If you don't marry him, I will," Mr. Levangie said. Laughing Meredith rolled his gurney onto the elevator. _

_After making sure Mr. Levangie was settled back in his room and his daughter was by his side Meredith decided to take a look at the tumor removal procedure going on in the other OR. Slipping in to sit beside Alex she saw the size of the tumor and exclaimed, "God, it's unbelievable." _

_Alex nodded his head, "Right."_

_Meredith shook her head in disbelief, "How did she live like that?"_

_Alex turned to her, "Watch what you say. You never know who's listening." Chuckling, "Look at George. He looks like he's about to fall in."_

_Meredith looked at Alex in disgust, "Are you really as shallow and callous as you seem? _

_Shrugging his shoulders, "Oh, you want to go out for a drink later and hear about my secret pain," Alex asked._

_Meredith looked Alex, "Does that line ever work for you?"_

_Smirking, "Sometimes," Alex said._

"_Oh. Must be because you look like that," Meredith replied._

_Alex laughed, "Like what? So is that a yes?"_

_Meredith smiled, "No. I can't. I'm seeing someone."_

_Thinking that Meredith is just trying to blow him off Alex says, "Look, if you don't want to go out with me, just say so. No need to lie."_

_Meredith nodded at his blunt honesty and realized that she could do the same with him. "Oh, ok. Well, I don't want to go out with you. But I think I really might be seeing someone."_

* * *

Mr. Levangie and Meredith are walking through the hall towards his daughter, as they reached his daughter she held out her arm and he grasped it letting go of Meredith's. Meredith stood there for a moment watching as the two slowly made their way down the hall.

Meredith's phone vibrated, glancing down at the caller ID, Meredith smiled brightly before she slipped into an on call room to take the call in privacy. "Hey baby, I miss you."

* * *

A/N: Well it still continues to have a lot of dialogue from the show, just a couple more chapters and it will become more my writing without the dialogue from the show. There may be some dialogue from the show but it will be a lot less. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Lewie


	6. Bad Reputation

_Meredith stirs awake as her alarm clock blares, reaching sleepily for it on the night table she finally finds it on the floor. Turning it off she settled back into bed as an arm reached around to cuddle her. "You have to get up now," Meredith told Derek. _

_Barely awake Derek mumbled, "What? My god, what time is it?" _

_Meredith rolled on top of Derek, "It's 5:20, and I have pre-rounds. And you have to leave before they see you." _

"_Oh, come on, now. Why don't you just let them see," Derek asked as he rolled on top of her. _

_Giggling, "No," replied Meredith. _

_Nuzzling her neck with his face, "Please," Derek begged._

"_No, no," Meredith stated firmly._

Meredith pushed Derek out of bed throwing his clothes at him as she rushed to get dressed herself. Derek leaned in to kiss her as she hopped around pulling her socks on.

"Bye," Derek said as he grabbed his bag from the floor.

"See you later," Meredith replied.

Derek left the room in a hurry as Meredith shoved her feet into her shoes and grabbed her coat. Throwing it on as she rushed down the stairs. Meredith grabbed her bag on her way passed the entrance going into the kitchen she was surprised by Izzie and George's presence.

"_Hi. Good morning," Meredith rushed out as she pulled a travel mug off the counter and grabbed the coffee pot. _

_Izzie grabbed her jacket and pulled it on, "Morning. Hey, so it sounded like you were having some pretty radical sex last night, all night long. Who was the guy," Izzie asked curious if Meredith would tell them that she was sleeping with one of the attendings._

_Looking up as she poured her coffee, Meredith froze for a second before she responded. "No one you know."_

_Ticked off that Meredith outright lied to them Izzie impatiently responded, "We're late. Let's go."_

_All the interns are quickly changing from their street clothes into scrubs. Izzie, Cristina, George and Meredith all have a dazed exhausted look to their face. "I'm gonna need a major rush to make it through this day. I need a kick-ass surgery," George mumbled. _

_Overhearing George's comment Alex taunted him, "Ooh, you a bad boy last night, George."_

_An exhausted and still ticked off Izzie responded, "That would be Meredith." She glared at Meredith to prove her point.. _

_Standing up from tying his shoes Alex brushed past Meredith. "You a bad boy, Meredith?"_

_Cristina looked up at Meredith with questions in her eyes, "Do tell."_

_Meredith shook her head as she grabbed out her lab coat. "Nothing to tell," she commented._

Shaking her head at Meredith's response Cristina's eyebrows shot up into her hairline. "That tells it all, huh," She asked.

Izzie slammed her locker door shut. "Sorry, I have a sex life," Meredith apologized.

Shutting his own locker shut as he pulled on his lab coat, "Don't apologize. Embrace it. Share it. Count me in."

Izzie stood in the doorway of the locker room, "Yeah, next time, just let me know if I need to go to a hotel so I can get some sleep."

Meredith stood there in confusion, "am I missing something," she asked.

_George grabbed his stethoscope throwing it around his neck as he walked towards the locker room door, "You were just a little loud," he uttered as he left the locker room._

_All the interns leave except for Cristina and Meredith. "Do they know its McDreamy keeping them up all night," Cristina questioned Meredith. _

_Meredith looked at Cristina with a shocked expression. "I hope not. I already have Bailey riding me, I don't need my roommates thinking I'm getting special treatment," Meredith answered as she and Cristina left the locker room. _

_Meredith and Cristina met up with Bailey and the rest of the interns, Bailey gave instructions out to Cristina, George and Alex. Pausing as she and George watch Derek put eye drops in his eyes. "O'Malley, patients are waiting." Pointing to Izzie and Meredith, Bailey continues on, "You two come with me. Izzie, you're hanging with me today. Good Morning Dr. Shepherd." Derek nodded to Bailey and the two remaining interns before walking away. As he walked away Meredith yawned hugely. "Late night, Grey?"_

_Stretching and trying not to yawn again Meredith replied, "No, caffeine just hasn't kicked in yet." _

_Izzie harrumphed which Bailey took as a sign that Meredith was lying, knowing that Meredith wasn't telling the truth by the looks of both Meredith and Derek, Bailey decided to put Meredith to the test. "If you're at all religious, you would want to start praying it kicks in soon. There's a consult in the pit. Girl with a fever and abdominal pain. After that, Nicholas in 3311 needs his meds, Mr. Moeller's IV fell out, and he's a hard stick. Post ops in 1337, 3342, 3363, and 2381. _

_Meredith wrote her instructions down frantically but when it got to the room numbers she started repeating what Bailey said, "3342, 3363, and 23…"_

_Bailey glared at Meredith before yelling at her, "Why are you still standing in front of me?" Meredith jumped and ran off to start her work, turning from where Meredith had stood Bailey then turned to Izzie and said, "You look more like me than you right now. What's the matter?"_

Meredith spent most of her day running around doing post ops, running labs, and other small tasks. Finally the results came in for Claire Rice, the girl in the pit with abdominal pain. Diagnosing her problem Meredith and Bailey consulted with her parents before prepping the girl for surgery. Meredith held the clamp in the bowel reconstruction, removing adhesions. Just as things began to look good the bowel exploded spraying the majority of the toxic waste on Meredith. Once the surgery was finished Meredith returned to the intern's locker room for a quick shower. When she enters Izzie and Cristina is inside.

As Meredith passes by the two of them Izzie questions, "Ew, what smells?"

Meredith pointed to herself, "That would be me, or more specifically, my patient's insides all over me."

Izzie smiled and said, "That makes me strangely happy."

Cristina took a whiff of Meredith and started to turn green, "Oh, God. Oh, Meredith you smell like…"

Izzie butted in with her spin on the day, "Karma."

Meredith, hearing what she says but not quite sure why she said it asks, "What."

Izzie realizing that Meredith had heard what she said, and not really wanting to get into it answers, _"Nothing." _

_Squishing up her nose as she squinted at Meredith Cristina finally points out, "Something vile is stuck in your hair. You know, just go stand over there, please." Cristina pointed to the opposite end of the room. _

_Meredith looked at her hair in the mirror before she grabbed a towel and sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall. "Ugh, how much do I love being a surgeon right now?" _

_Again Izzie responded with, "Karma."_

_Meredith hearing Izzie for sure this time asks, "What does karma have to do with anything?"_

_Izzie looked at Meredith before answering, "I'm just saying, you've been given all the best surgeries. And now you smell like putrid goo. And you're giving off a stench. Karma's a bitch." Izzie scrunched up her nose as the smell permeating Meredith's clothes wafted towards her._

_Bailey entered the locker room, "Dr. Shepherd needs an intern in surgery. Which one of you is clear?"_

_Hopping up from the bench Cristina jumped at the chance to scrub in on the once in a life time surgery, "I'm good, Dr. Bailey, where do you want me?"_

_Bailey took one look at Cristina's green look and shook her head, "You need to lie down somewhere."_

"_I'm fine, I'm completely healthy," Cristina tried to convince Bailey. _

_Bailey looked between Izzie and Meredith, "Grey?"_

_Ticked that she was once again overlooked Izzie couldn't keep herself out of the conversation, "Of course."_

_Meredith looked at Izzie, "What is your problem," Meredith asked._

_Disgusted that Meredith was getting into another surgery, "Um, you! 'Cause apparently you can help Dr. McDreamy in ways that the rest of us can't."_

_Meredith looked up at the accusation, "You did not just say…"_

_Izzie nodded her head in acknowledgement, "Yes, I did!"_

"_Hey," Bailey yelled to defuse the escalating argument that was taking place. Turning to Cristina, "Hemispherectomy in OR 1 with Dr. Shepherd. Go. Cristina than Izzie left the locker room. "Apparently, I'm not the only one with hoops." Bailey then left the locker room, leaving Meredith alone once again. Standing up she grabbed the things she needed for her shower and quickly made her way into the shower room._

Once Meredith was showered and changed into fresh scrubs she took a few peaceful minutes to make her daily call to Janet. "Hi, oh Jeffery, how's it going…I heard that you're the hit of the daycare…How's Margaret doing… oh good I'm glad to hear she's healing better than expected….look is Janet free…no okay how about Matt can he come to the phone…oh okay. Well tell them I called and give them all a hug and kiss from me." Just as Meredith was about to continue her conversation her pager went off. "Oh look sorry I've got to run, but tell everyone I miss them." Meredith closed her phone and shoved it back onto her waist before rushing out of the locker room.

Meredith continued to be busy throughout the rest of her shift, exhaustion setting in even worse as the night went on. Finally happy to be headed home Meredith met Derek in the hallway and asked him if he would be coming by.

Derek nodded his head, "Yah, I just have to talk to my patient's parents after I check on her, should there in another hour."

"Okay, I'll see you later," Meredith replied as she took off down the hallway towards the elevator.

_Once home Meredith made her way into the kitchen, shocked to see Izzie frosting a cake. "I thought you'd be asleep by now," Meredith stated as she looked into the fridge._

_Izzie continued to frost the cake, "Yeah, well, I'm not. If you wait a few minutes, yo ucan have a piece of cake. Baked it chock-full of love. Actually, chock-full of unrelenting, all consuming rage and hostility, but it's still tasty."_

_Meredith hopped up onto the counter with a bag of seeds before responding, "So you know?" _

_Izzie nodded, "I know."_

_Meredith finished eating the seeds and brushed her hands together before responding, "Well, do you want the long, sordid version, or do you want the short version, where I started sleeping with a guy who turned out to be my boss?"_

_Shaking her head, Izzie said, "Neither." _

_Meredith hopped down from the counter and threw the empty baggie into the garbage can, "Izzie, cut me some slack here." _

_Izzie continued to frost her cake while she responded, "No. You went to Dartmouth. Your mother is Ellis Grey. You grew up… Look at this house! You know, you walk into the OR, and there isn't anyone who doubts that you should be there. I grew up in a trailer park. I went to state school. I put myself through med school by posing in my underwear. You know, I walk into the OR, and everyone hopes I'm the nurse. Y-you have their respect without even trying, and you're throwing it away for…what? A few good surgeries?" _

_Meredith shook her head as she sat beside Izzie, "No. It's not about the surgeries. It's not about getting ahead." _

_Izzie looked up at Meredith with curiosity, "Then what? A little hot sex? You're willing to ruin your credibility over that? I mean, Meredith, what the hell are you doing" Izzie stared at Meredith for a moment, Meredith rolled her eyes. "Oh, my God. You're falling for him." _

_Meredith shook her head no, "I am not." _

_Izzie looked at Meredith with pity in her eyes, "Oh, you are."_

_Again Meredith denied her feelings, "No, I'm not."_

_Izzie began cutting her cake into slices, "You so are. Damn it, you poor girl."_

_Meredith sighed as she kind of let the truth slip out, "You know, it's just that he's so…And I'm just…I'm having a hard time."_

_Izzie handed a piece of cake to Meredith, "Wow, you're all, uh, mushy and…warm and full of secret feeling." _

"_I hate you! And your cake," Meredith exclaimed as she cut into the cake._

_Izzie cut a piece of cake for herself before asking Meredith, "My cake is good. So, um, how hot is the sex?"_

"_Izzie," Meredith exclaimed in shock._

_Izzie looked over at Meredith as she swallowed the piece of cake she had in her mouth, "What? Come on, I'm not getting any. Help a girl out with a few details."_

Izzie and Meredith sat eating the cake and drinking milk, when Meredith headed for a third piece Izzie looked at her in shock. "What," Meredith asked.

"Seriously, you're going for a third piece, god I really hate you. You eat like a horse and you're still a toothpick," Izzie pouted.

"Shut up 'Dr. I put my self through med school modeling in my underwear, you're not one to talk." Meredith retorted back as she dug into the third piece of cake like it was just her first bite. "Besides apparently I'm having a lot of hot sex to burn it off."

"Meredith! You, you're just mean," Izzie laughed as Meredith shocked her by saying that the sex was hot.


	7. Do You Believe In Loneliness

_Meredith sat on her bed as Derek threw his overnight things in his bag and then grabbed his toothbrush and headed to the bathroom. As he brushes his teeth Meredith makes a suggestion, "So let's go sleep at your house tonight."_

_Spitting out the toothpaste and rinsing before he asked, "What?"_

_Looking at Derek pointedly Meredith continues her thought, "I mean, why are we always sleeping at my house? Do you even have one?"_

_Looking up from his bag that he was closing up, he looked at Meredith in confusion. "One what," he asked._

_With exasperation in her voice Meredith replied, "A house, with a closet. With all your stuff in it. Your personal stuff. Do you even have one of those?"_

_Rubbing his hand across Meredith's face as he walked past Meredith, Derek gives a noncommittal, "Mmm," in reply._

_Derek and Meredith head down the stairs and go into the kitchen where George is trying to convince Izzie that the cupcakes she has been baking are good. "Good morning," Derek cheerfully said._

_Pointing to all the cupcakes George asks, "Hey you guys want a cupcake?"_

_Rubbing his belly Derek shook his head, "Oh, no."_

"_Izzie made them," George mentioned before he washed down the cupcake he'd been eating with a glass of milk._

_Derek gets out cereal and a bowl as he returned to the conversation he and Meredith were having before they entered the kitchen, "You know, I like it here. You said so yourself, you liked having your things around, sleeping in your own bed. _

_Watching Derek as he pulled out the cereal, "You're like a health nut, aren't ya? You eat Muesli every morning."_

_Looking up at George Derek responded, "No, I don't."_

_Izzie jumped into the conversation with her observation, "Ok, the Muesli thing, you do. The last seven days, at least."_

_Looking over to Meredith and back to George and Izzie before responding, "Oh, come on. I haven't been here for a whole week. Have I?"_

_Meredith grabs a bowl for herself as she answered, "See? Even they think it's weird." Meredith and Derek smiled at each other as they sat across from each other once again._

_

* * *

_

Meredith and Derek are walking down the hall at Seattle Grace Hospital. Meredith is gesturing with her hands as she speaks. "It's just that I hardly know anything about you," She continues from their earlier conversation

.

_Derek looks at Meredith quickly before turning his eyes forward again to watch where he is walking. "You know I'm from New York. You know I like ferryboats."_

_In exasperation Meredith replied, "Enough with the ferryboats. What about your friends?"_

_Shaking his head in the negative, "I'm a surgeon. I don't have friends."_

"_Everybody has friends. I mean, who do you hang out with? What do you do on your days off? These are important questions," Meredith continued to gesture wildly as they walked down the hall and continued their conversation._

_Turning to look at Meredith Derek asked, "Ah, important for who?"_

_Looking Derek in the eyes Meredith replied, "We're having sex every night. I think I deserve details."_

"_You have more details than most," Derek stated._

_Meredith stopped walking, "See, this is going somewhere weird. I want facts, and until I get them, my pants are staying on." _

"_Or you could just roll with it. Be flexible. See what happens," Derek suggested._

_Shaking her head, "I'm not flexible," Meredith replied._

_Laughing Derek turned back to Meredith, "There I disagree." Derek looked Meredith up and down, "Hmm. I've got to go. We'll find these things out. That's the fun part. You know? That's the gravy. _

_Frustrated Meredith exclaimed, "That is what I'm talking about. I don't want to be your gravy." After she said this she looked around to see who had overheard her. Realizing that Derek was walking away Meredith turned and stormed away in the opposite direction. _

* * *

Taking a few spare moments Meredith retreated to the closest on call room. Sitting on the edge of the lower bunk she pulled out her phone and once again dialed a familiar number.

"Hello, yes it's Meredith Grey…I was just checking on how my mom was today….oh good, well I won't be able to see her today but I'll be over in the morning to see her…great, thanks talk to you later." Meredith hung up the phone after her brief conversation with one of the staff members at the nursing home. It hurt that her mom was having a good day and she wasn't able to spend it with her but then shook her head realizing that if her mom hadn't had Alzheimer's she would be telling Meredith to focus on her work.

Clearing her head of those thoughts Meredith once again picked up her phone and started dialing. The phone rang twice before a familiar voice answered. "Janet, how's it going?"

"Everything is great, thanks again for persuading Jeffery to come help me out, I don't know what I was thinking when I thought I could do this all on my own. The daycare and looking after my mom would drive me insane," Janet laughed as she spoke into the phone.

Laughing Meredith replied, "drive you insane, I thought you already were?"

"I am not insane, why do you call me insane," Janet huffed.

Laughing Meredith replied, "You're the one who loved kids so much that you started a daycare, I like kids but would I really want to be around eight of them for hours on end and the only time I could breathe was the two minutes I was in the washroom."

"You may think I'm crazy but it's awesome, watching their little faces as they experience something new. It's priceless, Meredith you know that right," Janet asked.

Meredith sighed, "Yeah I get that, god I can't wait to see you." Meredith's pager went off, "look I've got to go I'll talk to you soon, give everyone hugs and kisses from me." Meredith closed her phone and returned it to her waist as she rushed from the on call room and ran to the nearest stairwell, taking the stairs quickly to the pit.

_

* * *

__Meanwhile Derek is in the pit examining a patient. "Ok, Mr. Walker. Does that hurt," Derek asked._

"_I can't feel anything until you get to my thigh," Mr. Walker replied._

_Derek asks him, "Try wiggling your toes." _

_His toes not moving, Mr. walker asks, "Are they moving?"_

_Shaking his head, "No," Derek responded as he made a notation in Mr. Walker's chart._

_Sighing in frustration Mr. Walker said, "Damn. I could about ten minutes ago."_

_Derek looked over Mr. Walker's x-rays. "Well your spine x-rays look clear. You fell rock climbing, He asked as he continued to peruse the x-rays looking over them to see if he's missed anything. _

"_In Snohomish. Just a small drop. I was belayed. My wife and boys are on the way. What's wrong with me, anyway," Mr. Walker stated._

_Lifting up the mans legs, Derek says, "Hold your legs up." Derek lets go and they drop back to the bed. _

_Mr. Walker noticed that he couldn't hold his legs up worriedly asked, "Should I be scared now?"_

_Derek looked at Mr. Walker and placed a hand on his shoulder, "Just try and relax." Derek walked slightly away and accosted a nurse who was assisting him, "Nurse, I need a stat MRI. Send an intern with him. Make it Meredith Grey."_

_Grabbing the chart to that Derek passed her as she acknowledged whom he requested, "Mm-hmm." The nurse walked away to do as he bid._

_

* * *

_

Meredith and Derek are looking over Mr. Walker's MRI scans. Looking over Derek's shoulder Meredith commented, "See, this. The guy's films are clear. There's no reason I can see for his creeping paralysis."

_Derek shook his head, "It's just so surprising. I expected an intrusion into the spinal space or bony spur in the Nucleus Pulpous."_

"_Well, you were wrong. You don't always get what you expect, do you," Meredith commented. _

_Looking up at Meredith, What is your problem," Derek questioned Meredith._

_Sighing Meredith replied, "Give me something to go on. Anything. What are your grandparents' names?"_

_Derek distractedly answered Meredith, "I don't have grandparents."_

_Meredith continued to push for answers, "Where'd you grow up? What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Where'd you spend your summer vacations?"_

_Derek stood up from in front of the computer screen that displayed the scans for Mr. Walker, "Lighten up. It'll be good for your blood pressure," Derek said as he left the room._

_Meredith replied to Derek's retreating back, "Oh, don't you tell me to lighten up. I'll lighten up when I…feel light."_

Derek decided to go ahead with the surgery even though he was unsure of what the problem was. He felt that Mr. Walker had a better chance of losing his paralysis if he went in that if he left it alone. Meredith was worried that they were flying blind and didn't hold off on letting Derek know her opinion.

_After the surgery took place Meredith and Derek were in the scrub room. "You were right. Is he gonna be ok," she asked as she washed her arms and hands. _

_Putting his arms under the water to rinse them Derek responded, "I think so."_

"_But you don't know that," Meredith replied._

_Shaking his head, "I know we stopped the paralysis from advancing."_

_Sighing Meredith replied, "But you don't know if the paralysis he already has will be permanent."_

_Shaking his head as he grabbed paper towel to dry his hands off, "No."_

"_You know, you keep taking everything on faith. How do you know what's real and what's not," Meredith questioned._

_Passing Meredith some paper towels to dry her hands, "You just do. You know some people would call this a relationship. The kind where you exchange keys, leave your toothbrush over."_

_Looking up at Derek, Meredith asked, "Who? Who would call it that?_

"_Me. I would," Derek replied._

"_And I'm supposed to believe you," Meredith questioned._

"_Uh-huh," Derek said._

* * *

"_Show me something. Give me a reason to believe," Meredith said as Derek walked away._

_Once Mr. Walker awoke from recovery and was moved back to a regular room Meredith examined him before she left for the day. Pleased with his recovery she asked him, "Do you have sensation anywhere else?" _

_Thinking about it for a moment Mr. Walker replied, "Some feeling in my stomach and feet, I guess."_

_Pleased with his answer Meredith then asked him more specific questions, "Bladder and bowels?"_

"_Not so good still," Mr. Walker replied._

_Tommy's wife jumped in with a question, "He said the pressure stockings help relieve clots and bedsores?" _

_Nodding her head Meredith replied, "They do."_

_Tommy looked at Meredith and said, "I wanted to thank you for everything. Believing in me, that I wasn't making it up."_

_Smiling Meredith moved to leave, "Well, I'll come back tomorrow, then."_

_Grabbing Meredith's attention before she left, Mr. Walker called out, "Hey I wanted to show you something. I wasn't' sure it would last but now look," Tommy moved his finger a little, "I know it's hardly anything, but…."_

_Smiling Meredith said, "No, it's something. It's something really big."_

* * *

Meredith headed for the locker room, pulling out her cell as she went. Meredith noticed right away that she had a voicemail that had been missed from earlier. Quickly going through the steps to take her to her voicemail she listened to the message while she pulled open her locker door.

"Hey Mer, it's me Janet. Sorry to do this but I'm not going to be able to come for another two weeks. Jeffery is willing to come down for a week or two if you want but I need to stick around here for another two week's. My mom had a doctor's appointment to check the prognosis of her getting the cast off and they want to keep it on for another week, then when they take it off they don't want her to overdo it. Anyway, sorry that it's going to be even longer than we thought but I have to postpone."

Meredith pulled out her clothes and got dressed. Frustrated at what was going on but realizing that there was nothing she could do she grabbed her things and met up with Derek in the lobby. Once they met up they quickly made their way outside and got into his car. "Where are we going," Meredith asked.

Derek didn't respond just helped her into the car and shut her door before going around and getting in on the driver's side. They traveled a different route and Meredith watched the different sight's they passed. Finally Derek stopped the car and they both got out and walked away from the car. Meredith can't believe how dark it is without the city lights. "Where are we," Meredith asked.

"_Shh, shh. I'm gonna tell you. All right. My mother's maiden name, Maloney. I have four sisters. I have, uh, nine nieces. Five nephews. I like coffee ice cream, single-malt scotch, occasionally a good cigar. I like to fly fish. And I cheat when I do the crossword puzzle on Sunday. And I never dance in public. Um, favorite novel, The Sun Also Rises. Favorite band, The Clash. My favorite color is blue. I don't like light blue, indigo. The scar right here on my forehead, that's why I don't ride motorcycles anymore. And I live in that trailer. All this land is mine. I have no idea what I'm gonna do with it. So that's it. That's all you've earned for now. The rest you're just...just gonna have to take on faith," Derek watches Meredith's reaction to what he has told her. _

_Meredith took a few steps toward the trailer, looking around at the landscape before turning around and reaching her hand out toward him. Derek smiled and moved forward acknowledging Meredith's acceptance of what he has told her about himself. Once he reached Meredith the two of them walked hand in hand towards the trailer and then inside. _


	8. You'll Think Of Me

_George is naked, sitting on the edge of the bathtub reading 'Rashes, Hives and Skin Eruptions. The doorknob rattles and George looks up with a panicked expression on his face. "George. You locked the door. I need to take a shower," Izzie yelled._

_Standing up George yelled out, "Uh, uh, I'll be out in a minute."_

"_What are you doing in there," Izzie asked._

"_It's private," George groaned._

"_Oh. Oh, God. I'm sorry. I get it. I didn't mean to interrupt, Izzie said with a smile on her face. _

"_No, it's not that," George exclaimed._

"_It's ok. Take your time," Izzie replied._

"_I am not doing what you think I'm doing," George announced._

" _You know what, there's really no need to explain. I'll wait. You just…finish," Izzie giggled._

"_No, I'm…I'm coming. I'm coming out," George yelled._

_

* * *

_

Derek slept in the bed as Meredith watched him from the chair; her phone rang so she answered it. "Dr. Grey, this is Ms. Henry from the nursing home. I'm calling about your mother," Ms. Henry said.

"_Is she all right," Meredith questioned._

"_Oh, it's nothing like that," Ms. Henry explained._

"_Can I call you later, then," Meredith asked._

"_Uh, I just wanted to…," Ms. Henry began._

"_I have to go," Meredith stated before quickly hanging up the phone as she watched Derek roll over in the bed._

"_Oh, my God. Who is calling you at this hour," Derek questioned._

"_It's a wrong number," Meredith said. _

_George exited the bathroom to find Izzie still standing outside the bathroom door grinning. "There's no reason to be ashamed. It's normal. Healthy, even," Izzie said to George._

"_Well I'm not ashamed cause I wasn't doing anything. I don't have to. I have a girlfriend," George retorted._

"_An imaginary girlfriend," Izzie asked._

"_An actual girlfriend," George growled. _

"_You know what? It's no big deal. You don't have to lie. I get it. You have needs," Izzie stated matter-of-factly. _

_Meredith hearing the commotion going on in the hallway became curious and opened her bedroom door. Izzie jumped out of the way when she started to fall in when the door opened._

"_what is going on out here, Meredith questioned._

_Izzie starting to say something, but seeing the look on George's face changes her mind, "Nothing."_

"_Nothing," George murmured._

"_He's freaked out cause I caught him playing with little Jimmy and the twins, Izzie stage whispered to Meredith._

"_I have a girlfriend," George objected. _

"_Ok," Izzie stated as George stomped down the hallway and slammed the door shut to his room._

_Derek walked to the door of Meredith's bedroom, "This sounds like fun out here," he stated as he looked down at his ringing phone before dismissing it. _

"_Aren't you going to get that? It might be the hospital," Meredith questioned._

"_It's not. Breakfast," Derek asked, changing the subject as he walked past Meredith and Izzie._

_

* * *

_

Derek sat in the gallery doing paperwork watching Meredith assist while Chief Webber performed surgery. "There's too much damage. We'll have to remove most of the colon instead of a local resection," Chief Webber said as he tried to stitch the colon up and had difficulties. "You gotta push it up." Trying to stitch the colon up again and missed. "More suture. And what's with these damn lights in here." Meredith readjusted the lights. "Retract here."

_Bailey pulls back but the tissue doesn't stay, "Oh! This just isn't holding," She said._

"_Give me a bigger retractor, please," Chief Webber requested. _

_The nurse handed him a retractor which he dropped, "Sorry, Doctor."_

"_It wasn't you. Dr. Bailey, can you finish this," Chief Webber asked as he stepped back from the operating table. _

"_Uh, thank you, chief. I appreciate the opportunity. I'll just…," Bailey replied as she took over the surgery. Chief Webber left the operating room as Derek looked down from the gallery, and Meredith looked up at Derek with concern evident in her eyes. _

_

* * *

_

Chief Webber sat at his Desk rubbing his temple. Derek knocked, and entered before closing the door. "You dropped a retractor," Derek stated as he walked into the room.

"_Fine. A few weeks ago, I was operating, and the vision in my right eye became blurry. After a few hours, it was fine. It's come back again," Chief Webber replied as he continued to rub his temple. _

"_Did you have it checked out," Derek asked._

"_The examination was normal. My ophthalmologist tells me I'm just getting older. But you know what a decline in my visual acuity can mean," Chief Webber said._

"_I'll set up some tests," Derek stated matter-of-factly. _

"_Shep, I know how the rumor mill runs around here. Let's just keep this to ourselves," Chief Webber requested._

_Nodding his head as he turned back to the door. Derek said, "Absolutely. Yeah."_

_

* * *

_

Meredith stood leaning against the wall in the hallway talking on the phone. "Hi. It's Ms. Henry again is this a better time," Ms. Henry asked.

"_Sorry about this morning. I wasn't alone and…what were you calling about," Meredith questioned._

"_I just wanted to remind you that tonight's our monthly family dinner. You know, you haven't been to any of our family functions," Ms. Henry chided Meredith._

"_you have to understand. I'm a surgical intern, so my time isn't my own," Meredith explained to Ms. Henry._

"_Our residents really respond to these events. They always enjoy themselves which is so rare. I think it's important you attend," Ms. Henry suggested. _

"_I'll be there. I'll try to be there. I'll definitely try," Meredith rambled._

_

* * *

_

Derek and Richard are walking through the hall. "I've cleared some time for your MRI," Derek told Richard.

"_Good let's get going," Richard replied._

"_Ok,' Derek replied as Patricia walked up. Derek walked away._

"_Uh, sorry to bother you with this, chief. We've got kind of a situation," Patricia explained to Richard._

"_What now," Richard asked. _

_

* * *

_

Richard stood in the front of a room full of doctors, interns, and nurses with Patricia seated near him. "Three interns, four residents and six nurses on this surgical floor have been diagnosed with…syphilis," Richard began.

_The room makes oohing noises in response. "There are over 70,000 new cases every year," Patricia continued. Olivia looks at George across the room. "Undiagnosed, syphilis can lead to blindness, insanity and death."_

"_If you are having unprotected sex with another member of the staff, get tested," Richard continued as Burke looked at Cristina from across the room. "This is not a request." Richard continued. Everyone laughed at this statement, "Patricia will now give you a safe-sex demonstration."_

_Patricia stood up holding a condom and a banana, "When the time is right, and, gentlemen, you'll all know when that time is, carefully open the condom packet and roll it onto the banana."_

_Derek entered the meeting room and moved to stand beside Richard. "We should try and get down to do the MRI now," Derek whispered._

"_This isn't really a good time," Richard began._

"_If you want to do this without anybody else knowing, you should do it now," Derek continued. _

"_Open communication is essential to a healthy relationship. In a responsible relationship…," Patricia continued with her demonstration. _

"_Poor George," Meredith whispered to Cristina._

"_Yeah. You know, I think he really likes Typhoid Mary," Cristina replied._

"_Well, not many budding relationships survive a good dose of VD," Meredith went on to say._

"_Yeah," Cristina replied._

"_When the banana is finished…," Patricia continued in the background. _

"_Yeah," Meredith distractedly replied._

"…_gently peel off the condom and dispose of it properly. With every fresh banana,__always use a fresh condom," Patricia finished off._

_

* * *

_

Derek and Richard are examining his MRI scans, "You see that right there," Derek asked Richard.

"_Mm-hmm," Richard responded._

"_It's a tumor, and it's pressing against your optic nerve," Derek clarified._

"_Is it operable," Richard questioned._

"_Oh, definitely. It does have its risks," Derek explained._

"_You mean I could lose my sight? Just what I need, a syphilis outbreak and a tumor," Richard groaned. _

"_Well, it's probably unrelated," Derek quipped._

_Looking at Derek, Richard sighed, "All right, Derek, lets see how good you really are."_

"_All right. I'll put a team together," Derek responded._

"_All my people only. And I still want this kept under wraps. The vultures will be circling soon enough," Richard instructed._

"_Aren't I one of the vultures," Derek asked? _

"_Why do you think I want to keep an eye on you? Get going. We're doing it tonight," Richard ordered._

"_Right," Derek replied as Meredith entered the room as Richard was leaving._

"_You paged," Meredith asked._

"_Yeah, I need you to help me out on something for the chief. Can you keep a secret," Derek asked._

"_Better than you think," Meredith replied._

_

* * *

_

Meredith is talking to Bailey as Derek climbs the stairs towards them. "How goes our special super secret silent sunset surgery? I've been practicing that," Derek said.

"_You have too much time on your hands. Uh, tell the chief I'll be there. Just let me know when and where. I'm in, Bailey said._

"_Ok," Meredith said as Bailey left. "Are you nervous," she asked Derek._

"_It's a complicated surgery. I make one mistake, I end a fellow surgeon's career, my mentor's career. Oh, no, I'm not nervous," Derek quipped._

"_So just for the record…," Meredith began._

"_Mm-hmm," Derek acknowledged._

"…_You'd tell me if I need to get tested, right," Meredith finished._

"_You think I have syphilis," Derek questioned._

"_No I don't It's just…we never made any rules or anything. I mean, we never said, 'We have rulesm,' and I wouldn't hold it against you," Meredith calmly stated._

"_When would I have time to go out and get syphilis? You're a handful enough as it is, and besides, we're like, practically a condom ad," Derek replied. _

"_But no more glow-in-the-dark ones," Meredith giggled. _

"_You see? There's nothing to worry about. Maybe we should, you know make some rules, I mean," Derek suggested._

_Meredith nodded her head, "We should." _

"_Ok," Derek said._

_  
"Ok," Meredith copied._

"_Just for the record…," Derek said to Meredith._

"_Uh-huh," Meredith questioned._

"_I like the glow-in-the-dark ones," Derek retorted._

"_I bet you do," Meredith giggled. Meredith turned and walked down the hall as Derek's phone rang. Looking at the caller ID Derek, ignored the call before returning it to his waist and walking away down the hall._

_

* * *

_

Meredith seemed to run between prepping the chief for surgery and answering her phone call after call she took either between calls from Ms. Henry regarding her mom, or Janet and Jeffery. Exhausted after the special super secret silent sunset surgery that she assisted Bailey and Derek in Meredith took a few moments of quiet to lean against the wall in the hall outside of Richard's room. When her phone rang she answered it. "I Know but something came up, an important surgery and I couldn't," she replied.

"_I'm just sorry you couldn't be there for your mother," Ms. Henry commented._

_Rubbing her hand over her temples to ease the tension headache that was forming Meredith replied, "Ms. Henry, if my mother were lucid, she would understand. She's a surgeon. She's done this countless times. And besides that, she doesn't even know who I am, anyway, so…"_

"_Today she did," Ms. Henry interrupted. _

"_What," Meredith questioned._

"_Your mother's been asking when her daughter Meredith gets off from work," Ms. Henry continued. _

_As Meredith listened to Ms. Henry Derek walked up to where Meredith was standing. "Hey," he commented._

"_Hey," Meredith responded as she hung up her phone._

"_A lot of secret phone calls today," Derek stated._

"_Yeah, it's my mother. She isn't traveling. She isn't writing a book. She isn't anything. I've been lying to everyone," Meredith admitted. _

"_Why, Derek questioned._

"_She has Alzheimer's," Meredith announced._

"_How advanced," Derek asked._

"_Very. She's in a home and I'm the only one who even knows she's sick. I just don't know what to do anymore, you know," Meredith said._

Derek kissed her forehead and smoothed her hair. Richard awakens in time to watch this intimate display of affection taking place in the hall just outside his room.

"There's other things going on too, can we talk tonight," Meredith asked Derek.

"Yeah, we can, we'll go out to dinner and make those rules we talked about earlier, and we can talk about anything else," Derek said as he smoothed his hand across the side of her face.

_

* * *

_

Meredith enters Richard's room to check on him, "Meredith? He's an attending. You're an intern," Richard stated with no preamble.

"_You saw us? You can see," Meredith questioned as she quickly examined him._

"_I'm gonna tell you what your mother would say if she was here. You're making a mistake, a big one," Richard said._

"_And I would tell my mother it's not a mistake," Meredith firmly disagreed._

_

* * *

_

Meredith's shift was finally over and she entered the lobby where Derek was waiting for her. "Long day," he asked as he noticed her walking towards him.

"_Yeah," she replied, as he placed his paperwork and laptop in his bag before standing up to help Meredith with her coat._

"_Somewhere out there is a steak with your name on it and maybe a bottle of wine," Derek said as he pulled Meredith's hair out from under her coat._

"_This is why I keep you around," Meredith teased._

_Sighing Derek replied, "So we need to talk."_

"_Wine first, talk later," Meredith said._

"_You trying to, uh, get me drunk so you can take advantage of me," Derek joked as they both grabbed their bags._

"_I think I like this rules thing," Meredith said in response. _

"_Me too," Derek lovingly gazed at Meredith as he paused to fix the collar on her coat. As they turned to leave. A stunning red headed woman is standing there. Derek turns back to Meredith, "Meredith, I am so sorry," he quietly said as the red head approached them. "Addison," Meredith watched in horror the scene unfolding before her. "What are you doing here," Derek asked._

"_Well, you'd know if you'd bothered to return any one of my phone calls." Turning to Meredith, "Hi. I'm Addison Shepherd."_

_Addison and Meredith shake hands, "Shepherd," Meredith questioned. _

_Pointing to Meredith, Addison says, "And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband."_

Meredith stood in shock before she turned and walked from the waiting room and out the doors of the Hospital.

**

* * *

**

A/N: So just a little sidebar, it took long to get this update up as I've been busy had lots of things going on and family visiting for the week. I hope to have the next update up soon, I have had part of it prepared for quite some time now, and just need to finish it off.

**As to another sidebar, got to love kids, and the things they say…as Bill Cosby's show says "Kids Say The Darnest Things"**


	9. In My Arms

_Meredith sat at the bar doing shots, "You look familiar. You been here before," Joe asked. _

"_Once. That worked out really well," Meredith replied as she downed another shot. _

"_I know that look. It'll be one of two things. Either your boss is giving you hell or your boyfriend is. Which is it," Joe questioned._

"_Both," Meredith said. "My boyfriend is my boss, which was a problem. But not as big a problem as the fact that my boyfriend has a wife." _

"_Tell you what, this one, it's on the house," Joe said as he poured Meredith a shot of tequila._

_

* * *

_

Derek and Addison are still in the hospital lobby, "Addison, what are you doing here," Derek asked.

"_Your hair's different," Addison changed the subject._

"_A lot of things are different," Derek harshly replied._

"_It's longer. I like it. It's very Russell Crowe," Addison continued as she ran her fingers through his hair. _

"_What are you doing here," Derek questioned as he moved back._

"_What are you doing here? You just pick up and leave everything? Your house, your practice, your friends? You have a life in Manhattan," Addison commented._

"_Had," Derek retorted._

"_And now you have a girlfriend in Seattle. She seems sweet," Addison continued._

"_The ice you're on. Thin," Derek growled._

"_She's young. That whole wide-eyed, ooh he's-a-brain-surgeon thing happening, but still sweet. Which was what you were going for, right? The anti-Addison," Addison said as she ignored Derek's warnings._

"_If you came out here to try and win me back, forget about it," Derek bluntly stated._

"_I did. I flew all the way across the country to reminisce over wedding photos, get drunk, fall into bed, and make you realize you can't live without me. Relax. Derek, I'm here for work. I'm helping the TTTS case you guys admitted last week and from Richard's briefing, I should be…" Addison stated._

"_Derek interrupted Addison, "Richard, he knew you were coming out here? _

"_He asked me to come. Didn't he tell you," Addison asked._

"_No. He didn't," Derek replied._

"_Hmm. Surprise. The hair, though. You know I've always had a thing for Russell Crowe," Addison whispered in Derek's ear as she walked past him into the hospital._

_

* * *

_

Meredith continues to drink shots of tequila when George and Cristina entered the bar. "All hail the champ." Everyone in the bar cheered at Joe's cry. "So, my guy Alex finally got what was coming to him." Joe asked.

"_George knocked him down in one punch. You should've seen it," Cristina crowed. _

"_I don't want to talk about it," George grumbled._

"_Brag, champ, brag. You've earned it," Joe responded._

"_Can I have a beer, please," George said in response._

_Cristina and George sat down beside Meredith, "Let's play a game of whose life sucks the most. I'll win. I always win," Meredith said as she downed another shot._

"_No, you don't want to play with me," Cristina replied as she took a drink of her beer. _

"_Oh. I do. I'll even go first. Derek's married," Meredith said. _

_George spits his beer out. "George, beer is dripping from your nostrils," Cristina grimaced. George hopped off his barstool and rushed to the washroom._

"_Told you I'd win," Meredith replied._

"_No, you didn't win," Cristina replied. _

"_Did you hear me? I said Derek is married. As in pigheaded, adulterous, liar married. Nothing you could say could top that," Meredith stated._

"_I'm pregnant. I win," Cristina refuted. Behind Cristina and Meredith Joe begins to groan and is holding his head. One of the other bar patrons notices and asked him if he was alright, just before Joe fell over. "Ok. Maybe Joe wins." Meredith and Cristina jumped off their barstools, and ran over to Joe's side. Joe tries to get up, "Joe, lie back down." _

_One of the bar patrons calls out, "The medics are coming." _

"_You called the gurney patrol," Joe groaned._

"_Sit back and relax. We have to take you to the hospital to run some tests," Meredith said to Joe._

"_Tests? I don't need tests. I'm fine," Joe says as he tries to stand up._

"_Dude! You collapsed! On the floor. This is your bar. You know how filthy this floor is," Cristina admonished. _

"_Radial pulse is strong," Meredith commented as she continued to examine Joe. _

"_Minor skull contusions," Cristina added._

"_You're sleeping with someone," Meredith asked Cristina as they continued to examine Joe. _

"_What? Who," George questioned._

"_Why is that such a shock? Even George managed to get some action," Cristina said._

"_Correction. George got some syphilis," George replied._

"_How could I not know, you were sleeping with someone," Meredith continued to question Cristina._

"_Forget this," Joe muttered._

"_Joe," Cristina snarled._

"_The hospital is right across the street. I can sure as hell walk across the street by myself," Joe said as he stood up. _

"_Oh, I think we should…." Cristina began as she watched Joe sluggishly move through the throng of people._

"_No, I got him. Joe," George yelled as he took off after Joe._

_

* * *

_

Meredith, and Cristina stood in the hallway of the hospital as Dr. Burke, Dr. Shepherd and other Attendings worked on Joe. "All right Details. You're pregnant? What are you gonna do," Meredith asked.

"_Look you know what happens to pregnant interns. I'm not switching to the vagina squad or spending my life popping zits. I'm too talented. Surgery's my life," Cristina explained._

"_Which begs the question, who are you sleeping with," Meredith once again pressed for answers. _

"_Just a guy," Cristina nonchalantly replied. _

"_That's all I get? You can't just bring something like this up and expect me to drop it," Meredith pled for answers. _

"_Well, watch me," Cristina said as they walked up to the nurses station where George and Izzie are standing._

"_Why are you back here tonight, don't you have a date with McDreamy," Izzie asked Meredith._

"_More like McMarried," George quipped._

"_McWhat," Izzie squawked._

"_I came to check on Joe," Meredith said instead of answering Izzie's questions._

"_You think he's gonna be ok," George asked about Joe._

"_You think he's gonna need an operation," Cristina excitedly asked. _

_Derek walked up to where the four interns were standing. "Operation yes. Ok, hard to tell. Basilar artery's blown up like a balloon. Subarachnoid bleeding. Aneurysm the size of a golf ball," Derek went on to describe what was wrong with Joe. _

"_No way to clip something like that," George commented._

"_Not without magic fingers," Cristina retorted._

"_Or a standstill operation," Derek flippantly replied._

"_you're doing a standstill…he's doing a standstill operation," Cristina excitedly exclaimed._

"_I'd like to try. First I need some additional patient history, overnight labs, and a cerebal angio," Derek said as he handed the chart to Meredith._

"_I'm drunk," Meredith replied as she walked away._

"_Meredith…," Derek started before she walked away._

_As Meredith continued to walk away George grabbed the chart, Derek tried to follow Meredith but the three other interns step in his way to block him from catching up with her._

_Quietly Izzie whispered, "McBastard." As Derek leaves, Cristina takes the chart from George and begins scanning it. "Ahem."_

"_What are you doing," George asked in shock._

"_Uh…I am on her side, but we're talking a possible standstill here. Recognize," Cristina replied in her cold-hearted tone._

_

* * *

_

Meredith walks out the front door of the hospital as Derek catches up to her, "Meredith," Derek yelled.

"_Go away," Meredith yelled as she continued out the door into the pouring rain. _

"_Just wait. We should discuss this," Derek suggested._

"_Here's a thought. No! Quit following me," Meredith screamed at Derek._

"_At least let me explain," Derek suggested._

"_Explain? You know when you should have explained? The night we met in the bar. Before any of the rest of it. Yeah, that would have been a good time to discuss it," Meredith continued to yell._

"_Look, I know how you feel," Derek replied._

"_Do you? Somehow I doubt that. Because if you did, you would shut up, and you would turn around and go back inside, because you would realize that I am this close to getting in my car and running you down in the parking lot," Meredith shrieked as she turned away and stormed out into the parking lot. _

_Meredith rushed off into the rain, with George following close behind her. "Where are you keys," He asked._

"_I'm fine," Meredith growled._

"_Meredith give me your keys. Let's go home," George pursued. Derek went inside the Hospital as George walked with Meredith to her car. _

* * *

Meredith avoided Derek at all costs at work. Upset over the fact that he kept a huge secret like the fact that he had a wife. Making her an adulterous slutty intern. Unless it was work related she refused to be in the same room with him. Avoiding that was the motto she was used to and she definitely was holding the flag high over head with that scrawled across it. If he turned left she turned right. Even though it was awkward she took relief in knowing that she wouldn't be on his service today and that of the she-shepherd. Frustrated Meredith seesawed back and forth on her feelings. She worried because she had kept secrets too. Big secrets that she should have told Derek, but then she would seesaw back and think about the fact that her secrets were big but they didn't make him out to be the bad guy. So avoiding that was what she decided to do until she made up her mind.

In many ways Meredith was relieved that she worked with his wife today. Not only was she "Isabella freakin' Rosellini, but she was an amazing doctor. She was so talented and Meredith was excited to be working on the TTTS case with her.

Meredith rounded the corner just in time to observe Derek, who was reading a chart, trip over the small boy who lay on the floor with his small hands over his eyes. Derek dropped the chart as he worked desperately to keep himself from falling. Sighing in relief when he was once again steady he turned back to look at what he'd tripped over and hurried over to make sure the little boy was okay. Quickly noticing the small smile on the boy's happy face Derek struggled not to laugh.

"Matthew Riley Jacobson get off the floor and apologize to Dr. Shepherd for tripping him. Then come over here and explain to me why you were laying on the floor to begin with, and then why you are by yourself," Meredith questioned him.

Matt jumped off the floor mumbling a quick, "Sorry," to Derek before running towards Meredith. "Mommy, mommy I missed you." Matt flung himself into Meredith's arms.

"I missed you too baby boy." Meredith had knelt down when her son had started running towards her. Standing back up again she carried him in her arms. "Now answer my questions. Why were you laying on the floor?"

"I runned and runned and I's tired. I hads to see you Mommy. I really missed you." Matt grinned madly after his explanation, and then squeezed his arms tightly around Meredith's neck as he hugged her firmly.

Just as Meredith was about to scold him for running away from Janet, Janet approached pushing a stroller. Meredith rushed over to them, hugged Janet briefly, and quickly un-strapped the baby inside. Placing Matt on the floor beside her she scooped up the baby clad in pink and spread butterfly soft kisses all over the baby's face. Savannah giggled at her mom's silliness. "Oh wow, I can't believe how much I missed you guys. Mommy loves you both so much." Meredith grabbed Matt's hand and led him over to a chair on the other side of the Nurses Station. Still cradling Savannah in her one arm she picked up her young son and placed him on her lap.

Completely oblivious to the shocked expression on Derek's face Meredith continued to dote on her small family lavishing them with hugs and kisses. Both of the kid's eyes sparkled as they giggled with happiness at seeing their mom for the first time two months. As Meredith sat there in her own little world one by one different residents, interns, nurses and attendings who passed the Nurses Station stopped to watch the scene that was unfolding before them.

Meredith finally looked up as the whispering that was going on around her penetrated her happy bubble. Shock apparent on her face as she took in the group of people standing around the Nurses Station. "What, what's going on," Meredith questioned still oblivious to the commotion she was creating.

George stumbled, "Mer—Mer you're married with kids?"

Meredith looked at George with unshed tears glistening her eyes. "Was married, not anymore, but yes I have kids."

"Was," Cristina questioned.

Meredith sat silently as tears streaked down her face as she hugged her two children close to her chest. Everyone's attention moved up to Janet who was shaking her head as if to tell them to stop asking questions. Bailey who recognized what was going on became Nazi like and blared out, "Okay people we are not having a siesta, there are lives to save, charts to fill out, and scut and labs to run, get moving."

Almost everyone turned to rush off, bidding to fulfill Bailey's orders. Meredith looked up at Bailey and smiled slightly, "Thanks Dr. Bailey." Meredith then roamed her eyes around seeing that the room had emptied other than Bailey, Derek, Janet and a couple nurses who were actually working. Smiling down at the two kids she pulled Matt up close and kissed his head, drawing in a deep breath of the little boy smell that was her son.

"No problem Grey." Bailey replied before turning away and walking back down the hallway.

"Who the heck was that and how do I get one of her for the daycare," Janet jokingly questioned Meredith.

"That was Dr. Bailey, she's my resident and are you trying to scare the kids," Meredith said in reply to Janet's questions.

"Mommy yous cryin," Matt said as he poked a finger at Meredith's cheek. "You sad Mommy?"

"No baby, I'm not said I'm happy actually. These are happy tears. I missed you both so much and I'm so happy to finally see you," Meredith replied as she hugged the small boy close to her kissing the top of his head.

"I missed you mommy," Matt wrapped his arms tightly around Meredith's neck fisting her scrub shirt into his one hand.

Meredith continued to sit with her two children just happy to hug them close to her. As she sat cuddling the kids Savannah drifted off to sleep with a contented smile to her face. Janet noticing that she had fallen asleep offered to put her back in the stroller to relieve Meredith's tired arm. Her one leg sore from Matt squirming Meredith repositioned Matt so he was straddling her lap, facing her. Leaning his head against her breast he continued to clutch her scrub shirt in his one hand as his other hand slowly drifted up to his mouth and he stuck his thumb in. Meredith recognized these signs of her little boy becoming tired and began to slowly rub his back in a circle. He relaxed even more his mouth opening enough for his thumb to fall out and for him to emit small little boy snores. Continuing to rub his back for a few minutes Meredith then placed him in the double stroller, reclining the seat before she covered him with the blanket that Grandma Jacobson had quilted him.

Looking around Meredith noticed that Derek was still standing at the Nurses Station watching her. Turning to Janet she said, "Janet you must be exhausted too, why don't you take the kids to the on call room and grab some sleep. There are some things I need to do before I can leave for the day."

Janet nodded her head in agreement, "that sounds wonderful, sleep that is." Meredith led Janet and the kids over to the closest on call room relieved that it was empty. Pushing the stroller in she situated it, as far away from the door before she turned to make sure Janet was comfortable. Once she saw that everyone was settled she closed the door and walked back to the Nurses Station.

"Derek, can we talk," Meredith asked quietly.

Turning to look at Meredith he nodded his head, "Yeah I think we need to." Derek was beyond shocked. He didn't know what to think. He had kept secrets from Meredith but he had no clue that Meredith was also keeping major secrets from him. Derek's pager went off before they had even walked away from the nurses station. Looking up Derek said, "Later, tonight after work come out to the trailer and we'll talk there."

Nodding her head Meredith watched Derek walk away.

**

* * *

**

A/N: Well I hope that was a big surprise to everyone. I had this idea of Meredith having kids and a secret life, a life she didn't tell Derek that shocked him, but wasn't as painful as the fact that he had a wife. We will find out more about what is going on in the next couple chapters. Thanks for all the readers and reviewers. Lewie


	10. Dirty Little Secret

Both Meredith and Derek went back to work. Meredith finishing up the chart she had been about to write in when the commotion of her family arriving overtook the rest of her actions. Once she finished for the day Meredith took Janet and the kids home grabbing a couple pizza's on her way.

"So who was the doctor that kept staring at you Mer," Janet asked.

"Um, I don't know a lot of doctor's kept staring at me," Meredith tried to avoid answering her question.

"I mean the one that didn't leave after Dr. Bailey yelled at everyone to disperse," Janet continued.

"Oh, that was just one of the attendings, I've worked with him quite a bit the last couple months and observed when he operated on the Chief of Surgery," Meredith continued to avoid getting into the details of her relationship with Derek.

Meredith smoothly changed the topic as she helped the kids eat their pizza. Once dinner was finished Janet cleaned up the kitchen while Meredith went and bathed Savannah while Matt played with his trucks in the living room. Meredith had decided to put the kids in the same room until the house became familiar with them. She also had needed Matt's room for Janet to sleep in while she was there. Meredith sat in the rocking chair with Savannah rocking her to sleep as the quiet lullaby played on the CD player. Once Savannah was asleep Meredith stood up and moved over to the crib kissing her on the forehead before placing her in the crib and pulling the soft blankets over her angelic sleeping daughter. Meredith stood and watched Savannah sleep for a few minutes before she grabbed pajamas for Matt and put them in her room.

Meredith returned to the main level of the house and saw Matt playing with his trucks on the floor in the living room. Meredith stood in the doorway watching him play before she quietly spoke. "Time for your bath Matt, go say goodnight to Auntie Jan before we go upstairs."

Meredith watched as Matt picked up the two trucks he had been playing with and placed them back in the box sitting in the corner of the room before running off to find Janet to say goodnight. Once he returned Meredith followed him up the stairs to the bathroom where he played for a few minutes in the tub after scrubbing the washcloth over his little body. Meredith helped him dry off and put on his pajamas then led him to her room where she had left a small stack of picture books. Matt climbed up onto her bed and scooted to the top of the bed while Meredith grabbed the books. Climbing onto the bed herself Meredith pulled Matt into her arms and cuddled him close as she read first one then another story to Matt before she felt him begin to relax. Meredith laid the books down on the nightstand before she stood up and picked Matt up. Meredith carried him to the room he was sharing with Savannah and tucked him in the bed that was on the opposite wall as Savannah's crib. Meredith kissed Matt before tucking the blankets up around his shoulders. Matt grabbed his blanket and wrapped his fist around it before sticking his thumb in his mouth. Meredith smiled as she saw Puddles peeking out from within the folds of the blanket. Meredith pulled the stuffed dog out and hugged it close to her chest before tucking the dog back in under Matt's arm. Meredith quickly checked on Savannah before leaving the room and leaving the door slightly ajar as she walked down the hallway.

Meredith walked into the kitchen and watched as Janet sat and talked with Izzie as Izzie frosted another one of her creations. Turning Janet asked, "They go down okay."

Meredith smiled and nodded, "Yes Savannah took a little longer than Matt did but that was okay. With Matt it was the usual two books after his bath."

Janet laughed as she stood up and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge asking if both Meredith and Izzie wanted one, Izzie nodded her head yes. "Mer, you want one too," Janet asked as she grabbed one out for Izzie.

"Actually no, I was wondering if one of you could keep an eye on the kids, they shouldn't be a problem," Meredith tentatively asked.

Izzie at first wondered where Meredith would be going, but then decided it wasn't her business. "Sure Mer, I don't mind," Izzie smiled as she continued decorating the cake.

"Where you off too," Janet asked as she drank from her water bottle.

Meredith stood in silence debating on whether or not to say anything. Izzie realized what was going on, "Mer be careful, don't let him hurt you anymore."

Meredith shook her head, "I'm not, and we both just need some answers. I'm over it." Meredith grabbed her coat from the hook behind the door and pulled it on before grabbing her bag off the back of a kitchen chair. "I shouldn't be long, but I may stop by Joe's before I come home."

"No problem Mer, see you later," Izzie responded.

Janet sat in silence wondering what Meredith was holding back from her. Once she heard the door click shut she turned to Izzie, "Okay normally I don't do this, but you have details to dish and I have details that you obviously didn't know about so spill and I'll answer questions for you."

Izzie smiled at Janet as she cut each of them a piece of cake, "Deal."

* * *

Meredith pulled up in front of the trailer her headlights reflecting off the metal trailer pulling Derek out of the shadows. Climbing from her Jeep Meredith took a deep breath before moving to sit beside Derek. The first few minutes they sat in silence before Meredith opened her mouth. "When I was in my third year of College, I was studying for second semester midterms, I decided to take a break from studying and went to make a grill cheese sandwich. While it was grilling I turned on the radio and got listening to the music. Anyway I got distracted and when I turned back to the stove the counter beside the stove and the cupboards above were on fire. I quickly dialed 911 and the firefighters were dispatched. Long story short they came out doused the fire and I met Adam, one of the younger firefighters. We started flirting and he asked me out," Meredith paused for a minute before continuing on. "We dated the rest of that year and my fourth year. When I graduated we got married and went to Europe on our honeymoon. When we came back my mom informed us that she had early onstage Alzheimer's and that she would decline fairly quickly. We dealt with that together and I took a year off school before I started med school to take care of mom. When I returned to school I threw myself into school getting top grades. When I was nearing middle of September my second school year I found out I was pregnant with Matt. Even though I was pregnant I still managed to pull top marks. I had Matt a couple weeks after the school year ended. It actually was good as it allowed me time with him the first couple months before school began again. Matt was two past spring. Anyway so I went back to school that fall and worked hard once again on my education. Matt was 11 months old when I found out I was pregnant again. This time I realized that I would be uncomfortably pregnant through the second half of the year. I picked up the pace of my education over the summer and fall so that I could have a lighter schedule for the final trimester. Savannah was born in January and in February I was a single mother of two. Adam was killed on the job when a building collapsed when it became unstable from a fire," Meredith wiped away the tears that were briskly falling that she hadn't noticed until then.

_Meredith and Derek sat in silence as he processed what she'd just told him. Finally Derek reached into the cooler behind him and grabbed another beer for them to share as Meredith had finished off his first one. "One night I parked my car, I unlock my front door, go inside my house, and something 's different. Nothing's different, everything's the same, but yet, still, something's different. And I stand there for a while. And then I know. See, there are moments for me, you know, usually when I'm in the OR, when I just know what's gonna happen next. So I go upstairs. As I'm walking down the hall, I trying to prepare myself for what I'm gonna see when I go into my bedroom. I step on a man's jacket that doesn't belong to me. And everything I think I know…just shifts. Because the jacket that doesn't belong to me is a jacket that I recognize. And what I know now is that when I go into my bedroom, I'm not just gonna see that my wife is cheating on me. I'm gonna see that my wife is cheating on me with Mark, who happened to be my best friend. It's just so pedestrian, common and dirty, and cruel. Mostly just cruel. I left, came out here," Derek ran his hands through his hair as he struggled with his temper when he thought back to what had happened that night. _

"_And you met me," Meredith stated._

"_And I met you," Derek reiterated._

_Sighing Meredith looked over at Derek, "Well, what was I to you? The girl you screwed to get over being screwed?"_

_Shaking his head Derek replied, "You were like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning and you saved me. That's all I know." _

_Meredith stood up from her seat on the porch step. "It's not enough," Meredith said as she got into her car and left. _

Once Meredith left Derek paced the porch of his trailer thinking over his conversation with Meredith. He drank his beer and paced, looking upset with the outcome, never thinking that his actions would have hurt her as deeply as they had. Derek finally went inside the trailer to pace but moments later realized it was too small and stormed back out to the porch to pace, slamming the door as he left.

* * *

Meredith decided to go to Joe's for a couple drinks to wind down before heading home, she just couldn't deal with the questions she knew she would be asked if she headed home when everyone would still be awake. Meredith sat in the bar nursing a beer when Cristina entered the bar and sat down next to Meredith.

_Quietly Cristina spoke to Meredith, "The clinic has a policy. They wouldn't let me confirm my appointment unless I designated an emergency contact person. Someone to be there, just in case, and to help me home, you know, after. Anyway, I put your name down. That's why I told you I'm pregnant. You're my 'person.'" _

_Shocked Meredith responded, "I am?"_

_Taking a sip of her drink, "Yeah, you are. Whatever." _

"_Whatever," Meredith echoed._

_Meredith and Cristina sat in silence both thinking over their evenings, "He dumped me," Cristina finally quietly stated. Meredith laid her head on Cristina's shoulder and put her arm around her. "You realize this constitutes hugging," Cristina asked."_

_Slightly giggling, Meredith replied, "Shut up. I'm your 'person.'"_


End file.
